Non-Negotiables

I spent some good quality time with myself this weekend watching some romantic comedies, Leap Year, Dear John & The Back-Up Plan, and one very touching movie, For Colored Girls, and it has put my mind into a state of contemplation. Every time I go home my mom brings up the subject of just when am I going to start dating. I keep having recurring dreams where I'm in a relationship. A good friend of mine visited with me this weekend and asked if I ever got lonely living by myself. So I got to thinking. It's been oh, about 6 months since the devastating break-up and I'm proud to say that my heart is completely healed (and has been for many months now) so I believe I'm ready to date. In fact there's nothing I want more than to get back out there! Only problem is, I don't exactly know a lot of people here in town, and I don't exactly have a lot of free time during the week to go explore. When and where on Earth am I going to meet guys that will check off on my list of "non-negotiables"?What are those non-negotiables one might ask. Well, it's a list of qualities I pray to God to send me in the next man that I date. They are:

1. Degree or taking steps toward higher education.
2. Lives on his own and has his own set of wheels.
3. Christian
4. Good morals and family values
5. Non smoker
6. Wants a commitement

A list of 6 things, a professional matchmaker might say it's a little outrageous  but I don't think it's too bad. I mean here is my breakdown of why I've listed these as my top 6.

1. I have a degree, and I want to be equally matched intellectually with a partner and these days its hard to get a decent job without a degree. I understand college isn't for everyone, but please, do something to try to better yourself instead of sitting around playing X-Box all day or working part-time as a delivery driver. Have some goals, have some aspirations. I do. And I'm making strides to achieve them.
2. I live on my own and have my own car, so I expect that in a partner. How can we possibly get to know one another if we have to schedule "us time" around roomates, siblings or parents. Also, I'm old-fashioned and I prefer to be driven around on a couple of dates, I don't want to be the one whose always picking up the other person.
3. I am a Christian and I am making steps to get closer in my walk with God and get stronger in my Faith. The Bible teaches that you shouldn't be unequally yoked with a partner, so I need to date a Christian, not a non-believer. Otherwise they could hold me back.
4. I have morals, strong ones, and I place a lot of emphasis on family. You can learn a lot about a person by how they interact with their family. I want these to be positive.
5. OMG I ABSOLUTELY HATE SMOKING! Why partake in an activity that is taking minutes off your life each time you take a drag. Not to mention the horrible smell that gets into and onto everything. I can't be with a smoker. It is a deal breaker. No if, ands or buts.
6. Finally, I want a guy who wants to commit, not just casually date. I'm not that type of dater. I like to be in relationships and give my all to that one special someone. I eventually want to get married and have kids. I need to date someone who is on the same page.


So there is my list of non-negotiables. I don't think it's too drastic. Now I just have to figure out how  to meet a person who fulfills all my criteria. And that my friends is easier said than done.

Searching For A Church

I moved out on my own almost a month ago, and three Sunday's have gone by and I've sat on my couch in my PJs and watched cartoons instead of getting dolled up and heading out to a morning Church service. My parents have asked me a few times have I found a church and I replied to them that I was waiting to get settled into living on my own before I go out there and find a church family, which is true. So this morning I woke up super early and as I was flipping through the channels trying to find a marathon of Avatar, I came across a local church service airing on TV. I sat and watched. And then I turned on my computer and started researching the church. I even went as far to email the pastor and ask him some very poignant questions. 

Is it wrong and lazy of me to not be out there visiting these churches in person, but rather taking a more reserved approach and researching them on the Internet and emailing the pastors and asking them about the messages they teach, doctrines and their beliefs, as well as the racial and age percentage breakdowns of their congregations. I mean, I'm the type of person who doesn't like to waste my precious time and precious gas, going to different churches that don't fulfill my criteria.

Having been raised as a pastors child I know the Truth about God's Word, and I can't just go plop my rump down in any pew and listen to just anybody with a ministry ordainment preach what they believe to be the "Truth". I want to be in a God-centered, supportive family environment that doesn't sugar coat heaven and hell, and repenting for sins, and consequences of not living a Godly lifestyle. I want to be somewhere that we uplift me spiritually while also challenging me in my Walk with Christ. I want to be somewhere that simply is honest and teaches the Truth. While also not being full of only one race, and having a lot of old people. Tough criteria I know. But I want a church that has people that look like me, and different from me, and are near to me in age, while also older and younger than me. This world isn't comprised on only old people, or only black people, or only married people. It is a diverse world, and I want to become a member in a diverse church family. 

What are your thoughts? It's a lot to request, but I will not give in. I will be successful in my endeavors to find a new church to call home. 

The Unspoken Rule

I was having dinner last night with two of my sorors and we got onto the subject of the single life and dating. One was telling me some personal information about a recent turn of events in her life and it caused me to ask her this question, "Why is it that we, as females, have to follow that unspoken rule that guys that our friends have dated/talked to/messed around with in the past are unavailable and off limits to anyone in our circle of friends even, though that person is done with them?" Then one of my sorors brought up a valid point. What if that person was meant to enter our lives through you. Just because you two didn't work out, doesn't mean that this guy isn't the right one for me. Because if you think about it, sometimes, we would've never met some of the people we associate with if it hadn't been through a mutual friend. So my soror and I sat and debated this question: "Should I really follow that rule and leave him alone just because you're my friend and you had him first out of "respect"? Or do I go for it, and see where the relationship could potentially go and risk having you be mad at me and ruining our friendship?"

How complicating being a woman is. I want to task ladies with this. Don't fight over guys. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!! If your friend wants to date your ex, or simply get to know him, and has been totally up front about it and has nothing to hide and is not trying to get back at you in any capacity, then let her. And in the event that their relationship doesn't work out, don't be catty and say "I told you so". Just say, well we all make mistakes. You were my friend first and we will continue being friends because I trust and love you, and move on.

Just food for thought. 

Moving On Up

It's been forever since I've written and its all due to the fact that life has been superbly busy for me this last month.

For starters...I've got a job; I'll be teaching 2nd grade at a wonderful school in Shelby. They hired me after my preliminary interview. And I know it was God looking out for me when the principal called and woke up up at 7:27am the day after my interview telling me how impressed she was with me, because originally she told me that the openings were in K and either 3rd/4th grade. So I accept the job and she surprises me and says I'll be in 2nd grade my favorite grade. My school also has some nice perks...SMARTboard, my own personal laptop, and ELMO, a HUGE classroom, and an online office supply thingy so I don't have to come out of pocket for expenses. Add that on to the fact that the teacher who I'm replacing left all her posters and bulletin board sets for me to use so I really don't have to buy ANYTHING. This is another reminder of what listening to God will do for your life. I prayed to him and trusted him that he would help me get the perfect job in the perfect grade and all of that has come to fruition.

I got a surprise today as well from dear old mom and dad. We went back to Gastonia to check out two more apartment complexes. Last time we went down there was about 3 weeks ago and I was deciding between two really nice properties. Well after careful consideration I knew which one I wanted but knew I couldn't move until September after I get my first TEACHER paycheck (:D), but dad out of the blue says he wants to go look at the property I had decided on moving to again. We do so, the property manager tells me that they only have a few units left, and the next thing I know, I'm filling out an application and dad is paying for my app fee and my security deposit. So now my apartment is officially mine and it wont get sold before I can move in. I'm in shock. Everything in my life is falling together right now and I feel so blessed. 

But aside from all of this serious stuff going on in my life, I spent a wonderful week in New Jersey and Maryland visiting two of my really good friends. My bff in NJ moved away when we were in 10th grade and were had met in 6th grade and were practically joined at the him. My homie in MD is my bestie guy friend who I met at camp. Both of them have been wanting to see me and I spent 4 days with both of them. I did a crazy thing and rented a car to drive 10hrs from NC to NJ, 6hrs from NJ to MD, and then 7 hrs from MD to home again. It was wild and absolutely crazy but I feel accomplished. It feels good navigating the road and being alone and in charge of my life. Road tripping is FUN! 

1st Job Interview

So, it finally happened. After all the resumes I've been sending out among like 6 different school systems I FINALLY got a call do to an interview at a school in Shelby. I was super stoked but just a smidge nervous. But after lots of prayer, preparation and getting some advice from a bestie I headed down there ready to wow them. And I must say that I did. I walked out of there with such huge confidence that I beasted that interview and they loved me!! Now it's all just a waiting game to see if I get a call back for a follow up interview. The school secretary was so kind as to let me know that they had interview over 40 people for the 1 5th grade position. That's crazy! So with me being interviewer number 46 I just hope that they hadn't found what they were looking for yet with candidates 1-45 and hopefully they see what they want in a teacher out of me.

But while I'm waiting I'm still going to be applying for jobs elsewhere. Catawba County finally posted its openings, to which there's only 3, 2 4th grades and a 1 5th, so I'm hoping God blesses me and I find some favor and can snag a job before the 2nd week in July. That is my prayer. That way I can start preparing for what I'll need.

Yoga

Fitness update!

I've discovered that I have Fit TV. I found this program called Namaste Yoga and every time it comes on I work out alongside the girls on TV or I DVR it so I can do it when I'm off work. I can feel it working my muscles. I looked in the mirror today and saw that my upper abs were beginning to show through underneath my stomach fat lol. And that was without me flexing anything. I felt pretty accomplished.

I also did this amazing cardio workout on Fit TV. Inspired by Bollywood Dance. Man, let me tell you was I ever sweating. But it felt so good to get my heart rate up. My goal is to workout everyday along to a program on Fit TV, whether its cardio, yoga or pilates. I can keep up with the TV for 30 minutes. Especially now that I'm starting to see results.

I put on a pair of jeans the other day and I didn't have to jump into them. They slid up a little easier. I haven't weighed myself officially, but I count that as progress.

There's also this gym downtown that I took a tour of. Has a yoga class on Mondays and a Zumba class on Saturdays that I'm interested in. It's a pretty cheap monthly membership of $39. Now I just have to gather the courage of going to a gym at regular intervals and working out by myself. 

My fitness goal for August, the start of a new school year where I will Lord willing be living and teaching in Winston-Salem, to have dropped a pants size. My pants size isn't that high as it is, but I want my toned, flexible body back. Not to mention I want to speed up my metabolism. For someone who loves to eat as much as I do. Physical exercise needs to be a regular component in my life.

Power Outage

I haven't written in a while and I was reminded of that today when I got a phone call from one of my good friends who said she enjoyed reading this. It helped her keep up with the news in my life since we were so far apart. That gives me new resolve to write.

So I was inspired today for a new piece of fiction. The power went out today because of a thunderstorm. It happens pretty frequently and generally comes back on again within a half hour. Today's outage time was about 2 hours. But what surprised me is that almost all of Newton's power was out. No grocery store, not CVS, no stoplights, no AC in the house. The power was out. But what surprised me during all of this was having to drive through a major 4 way intersection and people actually stopped, even though they might have had the right of way to let a few cars pass so that people who are not aggressive drivers could get to their destination. I was amazed. There still are kind people in this world.

Having the power out took me back to memories of summer camp last year. It was hot. There were no lights, no fans blowing and no AC. There were no sounds of TV commercials or gunshots on video games. It was quiet. Rather serene. It made me stop and think about live back in "olden" times when there was no electricity and plumbing. They survived it everyday while after 5 minutes of no AC and fan, I was complaining. It gave me inspiration to write a story about a the world 100s of years from now suffering from a statewide power outage. Who would survive and who wouldn't? What dirty traits would being without the usual comforts of life bring out of people. It's an interesting thought and we'll see how it goes. I'll have to log it into my idea book.

Throb, throb, throb

So I've been subbing for the last 5 days straight and I still have another 8 to go till the school year is over, plus I'm working part time at HDD in the evenings 3-4 nights a week. My schedule is super jam packed and I think my body is getting a little exhausted. Who would've thought that I would get so unaccustomed to going to waking up early and going to teach every morning since I ended my student teaching about a month ago. I've had a pesky lil cough that's trying to take root in my body and an intense headache for a solid two days! Oh I'm miserable. What's worse than being sick, is being sick and having to teach. I just want to curl up into a ball and sleep. Too bad sleep doesn't even come easily for me these days. I lay in bed tossing and turning for an hour and then I sleep so light it's like I'm in a state of semi-consciousness. And I'm so tired that when I do have a moment of down time I just plop down on the couch or in front of my computer when I need to be on the Wii working out or taking a walk through the neighborhood. I'm so slack these days and it's ridiculous. Can it be June 11th yet? Then summer vacation really begins...

Love Can Fix Anything

That's what Antonio Banderas said on Oprah the other day about his wife and her drug addiction. But my question for him is, if love can fix anything...why does it have to break and ruin everything in the process? I'm questioning this because I've recently just blew the lid off of another gasket of post Jasmine&Anthony break-up.

I went to Lee and Brandon's wedding Saturday and couldn't help but feeling a bit of sadness knowing that my own dream wedding is far off in the future since I'm single again. And then I also realized that Anthony is a huge jerk and I'm so mad at MYSELF because I put up with his sh#@ for at least a year and tried to ignore all the little naggings in my heart and mind that said "something is fishy here" and "you need to check him because he didn't use to be like this". But no, me being the every faithful and trusting romantic said "stick out out and things will change". Well things did change, and his ass dumped me. So I'm mad at MYSELF, once again, that I'm sitting here stewing over a guy who broke up with me a month ago and wondering why I still think about him and want to hang out with him. Today is his freaking birthday and I know he's out partying with his friends and I'm sad because I think about all the plans we made to have fun the summer and now I'm kicked out of everything.

While at the wedding I texted Anthony, who didn't show up (can't say I wasn't surprised), and told him that just because we broke up didn't mean we stop being friends. Was that wrong of me? Is it too soon for those kinds of messages? I mean, he was after all my best friend for damn near 4 years. Do I have to lose that too just because he's not my boyfriend. Needless to say, I took about 3 steps forward in this "healing my heart" process as my mom calls it, but now I feel like I've taken 8 steps back. No gain at all.

In Other News....

I've been working out on my Wii on a consistent basis. I haven't got back into the jump rope thing yet and I'm trying to motivate myself to get out into the neighborhood and start walking. I've been eating a little better, and I've almost 100% kicked soda out of my diet (I tend to splurge at work since it's the only thing to drink). I know caffeine is bad but I've been on a sweet tea and green tea fix lately. I hope it helps me out. My goal is to lose 10 pounds by August. And even if I don't lose all the weight, I want to tone up my muscles a lot. I went out and spent $100 on some Reebok Easy Tones so I can walk around them and wear them to work. I'm feeling good about my progress. I've found that Yoga is my avenue and I'm loving it. I can feel my muscles working in ways they haven't in a while.

That dreaded "D" word...... diet

So I was watching Oprah the other day and she had special guest Geneen Roth on there talking about her new book which explains why we are overweight. Her main reason being that we subconsciously use food to block out our emotions because we don't want to deal with what we have going on in life. Well, I disagree. That's not my problem. There's no stress in my life, therefore I have nothing to block out. But one things she did say was true. We eat when we're bored or want to be social but can't. I recognize that in my own life. I'm not eating because I'm hungry, I'm eating because I'm bored and lonely. Go figure.

So I had a goal to lose 7 pounds by graduation, which was May 8. I started that goal about a month prior. I went out and bought a Wii Fit Plus and was gung ho about it. My May 8th result. I more or less weigh the same. I stopped working out at the end of april when crisis hit my love life. But that shouldn't be an excuse right? Right.

So, I've followed a friend of mine's blog and her goal for this summer is to lose weight. I feel motivated to truly start mine too. If my mom can find time to walk 3 miles every other day, then by golly I can get up on the Wii Fit and work out for 30 minutes. Besides, I'm tired of my "fat baby" as I call it, getting more and more comfortable, I'm ready to have my abs back. I'm ready to have my toned thighs and butt again. I'm ready to have my freshman year college body back.

So, from this day forward, I will control my portions, I will not eat when I'm hungry or lonely, I will exercise and stop being so lazy, and I will, by the end of the dang summer, have a rockin body that I'm comfortable in. I'm tired of looking in the mirror and saying, "I don't like...." or "I wish my _____ looked better....." It's time to turn those wishes into reality.

Who's with me?

Attack of the Snots!

They say your body changes every 7 years, well I think my time has come and I've developed horrendous allergies. It sucks! One day I was fine and a few days later I'm dealing with a scratchy throat and a runny nose. I subbed today and used all the tissues on the teacher's desk. I felt so bad! That was the only box of tissue in the room. I left her a nice note though. I hate blowing my nose so much, it always gets tender and raw. But I suppose blowing out the snot is better than swallowing it because then I'd develop a cough and a hoarse throat.

In other news.....I'M A COLLEGE GRADUATE. Whoo hoo! I can officially say that I have a degree. BSED in education, cum laude. Feels pretty good to be out of college. Now I'm standing at a fork in the road. Now what? What do I do with my life now?

Slowly Healing

I have been on a whirlwind of emotions since my break-up. One minute I'm feeling good and the next minute I'm balling my eyes out. But I am proud to say that I have not cried since Saturday and that is a huge improvement. I guess you can tell I really loved the guy because I never cry. So it's a serious matter when I do.

Anyhow, I've been kind of hush hush about the whole situation because it's a long story and I get emotional when I talk about it, but as I've been letting people know, they've been quite supportive. God always has a purpose and a plan for our lives, and though we may not see it, we need to trust that He knows what's best and for our future. We have to walk and live by faith!

However, throughout my turmoil there's been one stand above friend than the rest. My Bruh Dayo, whom I call "Mr. Joy" because his Nigerian name means joy, and he calls me "Flower girl" because,well, it's obvious, my name is a flower..... I opened up to him first because I needed a guys perspective and wanted someone outside my circle (he lives in DC, can't get much further than that) so he really helped tune me in to things. What I didn't expect was for him to text me everyday, checking up on me and asking if I was ok. Then he would call, or pick fights with me, anything to get me smiling and laughing again, and I must say that I truly appreciate him. Who could have predicted that a soror of Delta Sigma Theta and a Bruh of Omega Psi Phi would meet at Camp ABC in the summer of 2009 and hit it off and have a great friendship a year later. I never expected to see or hear from him again, but I'm glad I gave him my number all those months ago. He's helped me start mending the pieces of my heart when I didn't know where to begin, and for that, I thank him.

| o |

As of today, countdown to G-day is 9 days away. Tomorrow is my last day at my internship site. I hope the kids don't make me cry. I'm going to miss them so much.

Where do broken hearts go?

Whitney Houston asked this age old question in one of her hit songs and I've been left to sit and wonder exactly what is the answer to that question. Because in my current experience, my broken heart isn't going anywhere. One minute I think I might be semi-OK, and then the next it's falling to pieces and I have no clue how to mend it.

Facebook relationship status changed...check
Phone background of him erased...check
Constantly checking his fb status to see if he's feeling as bad as I do...epic fail

Something that I had been dreading finally came to a head and then erupted. My bf finally opened up to me that he couldn't see a future in our relationship because he wasn't ready to give me the commitment I want and fully deserve i.e. moving in together, getting married, having babies. And because of this he'd been pulling away hoping I'd get tired of it and break things off with him. But me being the good girlfriend that I am decided to give him his space. I didn't want to be pushy and needy. Plus I know he works a lot and the time he spends with his friends is few and cherished. But a part of me wishes I'd checked him way back in September when warning signs really started becoming something I was taking direct notice of. I won't go into all the details but in plainer terms...After 3 years, 7 months, 2 days, and a 3 hour conversation filled with tears and confusion my "in a relationship" status turned to "single" because he just needed to be alone and figure out was best for him at the moment.

Yes, I could have very well fought. I could have argued with him and talked till I was blue in the face and guilt tripped him into staying with me. I'm sure I could have. The emotional side of me, and the part of me that is so deeply in love with him very well could have. But the logical rational side of me said what's the point. Why waste my breath? If he doesn't want to be with me, I can't force it. Besides, I don't want to be in a relationship with someone simply through our facebook statuses but then we don't call, text or spend time with one another. That's not what I want, and I won't tolerate it.

I am so filled with a range of emotions. I'm crying at every other hour; trying to hold back my crying and telling myself to toughen up; wondering if he's ever going to regret his decision and grow up and come back to me; wondering how I'll ever be able to date again; pissed as hell at all the haters who will have satisfaction in seeing our relationship crumble; and fear of telling all those who look up to me and him as the perfect couple and witnessing their idealogy crumble as well.

My stupid ex-best friend said it wouldn't last. My father said he knew something was up. But why do they have to be right? What can't I be right. Why can't I have the man I was so sure I was destined to be with for the rest of my life? Why can't he f___ing commit to me? Why can't I stop crying?

This whole unfolding of events has created such a dramactic and awkward change in my life.
No more bragging on him at work or talking about him period...
Florida trip to Disney...cancelled
My graduation which his mother wants to attend....unsure if that'll happen now
Attending Lee's wedding....can't happen as a couple and will be majorly awkward
Telling people that my perfect relationship has failed....that very well may send me into a depression.

I feel so out of control and I have no direction. I don't know where to turn or what to do. All I can do is keep living.

Countdown to G-Day

I had a major blow to my ego monday when I was ordering my cap and gown, and graduation annoucements. It hurt me so bad that I had to tell my father (in TX) immediately and rectify some things. Here goes: No matter if I bust a 4.0 gpa this semester, my overall cummulative gpa won't rise over about a 3.71. At least that's how I figured it, but I'm not too sure about how the whole course weight thing words at the university. Anyway, a 3.71 is not a 3.75 and therefore I will not be graduating magna cum laude, but rather plain old cum laude. Major blow to my ego. And I know that graduating cum laude is still graduation with honors, I wanted to have an even higher distinction. But I guess the 2 Cs I earned in my whole college career are preventing me from that. So I texted my dad because I'd been telling him for a year that I was going to graduate magna cum laude with a 3.75 gpa. Too bad, I f-ed up my freshman and sophomore year and ruined it.

But alas, the official graduation countdown began yesterday. And today makes 29 days until graduation. 05.08.2010

Real world, here I come.

Yesterday I Cried

I took a trip to Salisbury to see my boyfriend and I was quite excited to see him because our last visit was 2 weeks prior, but I was also a little apprehensive. He'd been in a weird kind of mood all week and shared with me that he was feeling a bit depressed and he'd talk to me about it when I got there rather than over the phone. So, needless to say, I was wondering what was up. Was he stressed over his job? Was his family getting to him? Was he nervous about moving out and going to grad school? What?

Nothing could prepare me for what he told me.

"Jasmine, I really don't want kids." As the phrase exited his mouth I knew that my face immediately wrinkled up as I asked him several times to "stop playing" and "Are you serious?". And when he assured me of his seriousness, I assured him of mine. Having children -- that's a deal breaker. He explained that he'd been depressed for about a week, even to the point of tears, because he didn't know how he was going to tell me. He didn't know if it was just being a young adult and having that selfishness mentality of not wanting to take care of someone besides yourself, but in all honesty, he couldn't see himself having children, even when he was 35. Which means we'd be together, I'd be 33 and childless. Deal breaker. I couldn't bring myself to speak, and when his statement sunk in I found myself trying to hold back tears. How could the man I love and have the vision of building a perfect life and family with not want those same things? But what was more profound than his revelation of not wanting to procreate was the fact that what scared him the most was that he knows that if he doesn't change his mind and get hip to the idea of being a daddy in the next couple of years, I will leave him, and he doesn't want that to happen. And you know what my response was to that, "You're exactly right. I will leave you. I don't want to, but I will."

So here were sat at a standstill. Me crying, and him holding my hand wondering what's going on inside my head and me weighing the pros and cons of continuing our relationship. Because I don't want to be with him for 6 more years and his mind still hasn't changed. In six years I want to have my first child in this world. I'd be great if I was in the works of trying to get pregnant with child 2. But at the same time, I don't want to marry him or be with him and then have him feel obligated to give me a child but then he resents me for taking care of the child, or he pulls away from the child because he really didn't want it in the first place.

I'm completely confused.

Right now it's not that big of an issue because I'm 22, he's 24 and we're about to get started with our lives by moving out of our parents and getting salary paying jobs within the next year. So having kids isn't #1 on my list. But in 5-8 years, I want to be a mom. I don't want to be 30 without a kid. In my plan for a life, I will have kids by then. And if he doesn't want them, then sadly we must part. But that is such a scary thought. We've been together for over 3 1/2 years. How can I just let something like that go and begin to look for someone else to build that up with?

Why me, Lord? Why, why, why?

Post Birthday Angst

So I celebrated my 22nd birthday a few days ago (9 to be exact) and it was a long day. I started my Friday like any other normal Friday, going to LCES and teaching my fabulous second graders. My year-long internship with them is winding down by the way, and I'll be graduating magna or summa cum laude (whichever one means I have a 3.75). After school I showered and changed and got ready for my darling Anthony to come see me. But he works a full time job, and I teach and work a part time job, so needless to say we both were tired. But we still managed to have a good night. He took me to Carrabas, shopping and to see the Bounty Hunter and we had a good night with lots of laughs. And after being with him since September 18, 2006, it's wonderful that we still have so much to laugh and talk about. A lot of people lose that when the newness of their relationship wears off.

But after my birthday the following days put me into a sour mood and I realized that 1) I'm really about to freaking graduate (1 month and 4 days from today) and 2) I'm getting really old. In simpler terms, I feel like I'm at a fork in the road and I'm ready to take the next step in this crazy thing called life, meaning get a new set of wheels and my own digs. I'm so ready to be FREE!!! .... mentally and emotionally anyway. Financially, I'm still dependent on my parents for boarding. So I'm praying to God that I get a job offer when I go to the career fair on April 23rd so I can start putting those salary rated paychecks in the bank. I know it's tough out there on teachers right now and more are getting laid off, but that's not going to be the case for me. I WILL get a job and I WILL get good pay and I WILL be moved out of my parents house before I turn 23, otherwise I will lose my mind. I can't deal living with my parents and 3 teenage brothers. My idea of "I'm an adult" is not necessarily theirs.

Until next time