I haven’t blogged much recently, a common trend I find myself falling into. But truthfully, I haven’t been explosively mad to the point where I need to vent through this avenue. My life is good right now, completely changing, and good.
I don’t know how old I was, perhaps still in college, when I made a personal goal for myself stating that “By the time I’m 25 years old, I’ll have my life together. I’ll be a full-fledged adult by then.” I’ve been saying that for years, because you know me, I always have something that I’m aspiring to, and personally I wanted my life to be in order. What does that mean you ask? Well it’s simple.
By the age of 25 I expect to:
- Be stable in my career
- Be stable financially
- Be closer with my family
- Be closer and more firm in my relationship with God
- Know who I am
If all of these things were in order, then I figured I’d be ready to take on the world. I’d be ready to have a serious relationship with a man and truly give him my best self. So let’s do a breakdown and check my progress.
Career
It’s my third year teaching. I’m still at the same school, but, I’m no longer a second grade teacher, nor am I the RTI Interventionist/Coordinator for our school. This year I’m back in the classroom teaching 5th grade English Language Arts. I love it! I couldn’t be happier. I’m teaching a subject that I love and can really delve into, and the 5th grade team is just awesome. I’m clicking with them in ways that I don’t think I clicked with my 2nd grade team. Nothing against my 2nd grade team because they are all wonderful ladies and we still have casual conversations when we see each other in the hallways at school, but I feel like I fit in with the 5th grade team. It’s just something internal. I have peace.
Financially
Well, this stage of my life is sort of in limbo. At the end of the school year a group of teacher-friends and I decided to get a big house together so we could share bills and save money and not be so lonely living on our own anymore. It was a great plan and we found a great house and moved into it at the end of July. From living on my own to living with roommates, I should be saving about $200-$300 every month. That’s huge. Only, it’s been 3 months and I haven’t saved a thing. Why? Well, I wrecked Susan in the middle of July and had to by a new car, and between insurance screw-ups and waiting on payoff checks and breaking my apartment lease and owing them money, I haven’t been able to put that extra money in the bank. But it’s coming. October is going to be my month that all that gets situated and come November, that extra apartment rent money, insurance money, and surplus from not having to pay bills on my own is going straight to my savings account (well, after I buy a new cell phone. My blackberry is finally giving out).
Family
I love my family so much and I’ve been trying to physically and verbally show them how much I care about them as well. In July I went to Kentucky to see them and was there for two weeks. I also had two trips down south to Louisiana and Texas where I got to see my extended family. All good is on those fronts. I have a good relationship with all my brothers, my parents and my grandparents. I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a great family who loves and supports me.
Spiritually
This is perhaps the biggest change to happen in my life and recently. I will admit that I was very lax about finding a good church in Gastonia. Two years ago when I moved out on my own, I was gung-ho about hunting one down, but eventually that cooled off and I fell into the Sunday morning routine of washing my hair and cleaning out my DVR (if football wasn’t on.) To get a bit of the word I’d listen to Joel Osteen, but even that wasn’t feeding me enough. I used the excuse, and yes it was an excuse, that the reason I wasn’t finding a church was because every time I went to Kentucky and sat in my dad’s congregation and heard him speak the word, I knew I needed something similar to what he was offering, and in Gastonia I wasn’t finding it. Truth is, I just wasn’t looking hard enough.
Then this summer, after a girl’s weekend at Trish’s house, she says to us that we’re all going to church the next morning, even though we’ve been out late celebrating her birthday. I say OK and hop in the car and head to a 9:30 service at Elevation Church. Instantly I was hooked.
Pastor Steven is r-e-a-l. His words hit true to home and I learn something about myself or what I’m lacking in my walk with God every week. There are times when he’s preaching and I realize just how right on path I am. Being in church frequently has me desiring to get involved and give back. I’m thinking about mentoring, and volunteering and working in the eKidz department. I want to give back to the community and the world and really get plugged in. I love hearing his sermons. They are uplifting and at other times very eye-opening.
But what really pulled me in to Elevation was the worship. Since I’ve been involved in music since I was in 6th grade, I personally feel my connection to God and the Holy Spirit comes through worship. I can get more out of 20 minutes of singing and personal praying than I can get out of a 30-45 minute sermon. The Worship Experience pulls me in, centers me, humbles me, and the direct communication link I have with God opens up wider, and I lift my hands (something I’ve rarely done in the past but now surrender completely to during my me-time-with-God), sing and pray, and feel totally at peace.
I have Trish to thank for all of this. Through her, I’ve found a church and I’m very passionate about attending that is feeding me spiritually. Those three weeks this summer I was off vacationing were hard because I was missing services and missing the worship and I longed for it. Truthfully, church services at Elevation have become the highlight of my weekend. :-)
I’m praying more, I’m trying to listen more, and the biggest thing off all is that I’m talking about God more. I’m sharing my viewpoints with my roommates, with my friends, with coworkers, and my family. There’s a spiritual fire burning inside of me and I love spreading it.
Jasmine
Who am I? That’s a huge question for most people. Well, in two years of living off on my own, I think I know the answer. I love myself. I know my faults and I’m striving to be a better person. I know I’m not perfect by any means, but I’ve learned to take personal responsibility for myself and my actions, and you know, I have peace and stability at being exactly who I made created by God to be.
So what now…
Well, since I can basically check off all these aspects of my life, what does that mean? Well, my mom always likes to ask me am I dating anyone or are there any potential flings. And for the majority of my two years away from her, that’s been a firm resounding no. I’ve had some dates, a few casual connections, but nothing substantial, no boyfriend, and I haven’t wanted one. How could I date someone when I didn’t feel like I was my best self? My life was all out of balance. I was all out of balance, and after Anthony, I had to really hone in on exactly who I was, what I liked, what I needed, and what I wouldn’t accept from a man. Sure, mom might want more grandbabies besides Bentley and I’m the next logical choice in bearing a child since I’m the oldest, but I can’t rush something serious like bringing a person into my life if my life wasn’t together.
Last night I was talking to a friend of mine and I asked him what had he learned about me recently that he didn’t know before. Now, we’ve known each other for two years so to hear his answer to this was big for me. He said two things. “You’re more mature than I thought. You’re more mature spiritually than I thought too.”
I smiled instantly at the responses. For me, that’s great. He can see the change in me that I’ve been working for. He can see my growth as a person, my growth into an all-powerful-adult. Hearing that lets me know that I’m on track. I’m on track to being the best Jasmine that I can be at 25. I know I won’t be completely 100% perfect and satisfied, there will always be things that I need to work on with myself, but in my life’s journey, I know that I have to pause, reflect, and evaluate, and see if I’m making the right decisions and stepping onto the right paths that are going to benefit and fulfill me.
Well this was a very long post, and I’ve got an hour before I need to be heading out the door for church. So, until next time…
