On Track to 25

I haven’t blogged much recently, a common trend I find myself falling into. But truthfully, I haven’t been explosively mad to the point where I need to vent through this avenue. My life is good right now, completely changing, and good.

I don’t know how old I was, perhaps still in college, when I made a personal goal for myself stating that “By the time I’m 25 years old, I’ll have my life together. I’ll be a full-fledged adult by then.” I’ve been saying that for years, because you know me, I always have something that I’m aspiring to, and personally I wanted my life to be in order. What does that mean you ask? Well it’s simple.

By the age of 25 I expect to:
- Be stable in my career
- Be stable financially
- Be closer with my family
- Be closer and more firm in my relationship with God
- Know who I am

If all of these things were in order, then I figured I’d be ready to take on the world. I’d be ready to have a serious relationship with a man and truly give him my best self. So let’s do a breakdown and check my progress.

Career
It’s my third year teaching. I’m still at the same school, but, I’m no longer a second grade teacher, nor am I the RTI Interventionist/Coordinator for our school. This year I’m back in the classroom teaching 5th grade English Language Arts. I love it! I couldn’t be happier. I’m teaching a subject that I love and can really delve into, and the 5th grade team is just awesome. I’m clicking with them in ways that I don’t think I clicked with my 2nd grade team. Nothing against my 2nd grade team because they are all wonderful ladies and we still have casual conversations when we see each other in the hallways at school, but I feel like I fit in with the 5th grade team. It’s just something internal. I have peace.

Financially 
Well, this stage of my life is sort of in limbo. At the end of the school year a group of teacher-friends and I decided to get a big house together so we could share bills and save money and not be so lonely living on our own anymore. It was a great plan and we found a great house and moved into it at the end of July. From living on my own to living with roommates, I should be saving about $200-$300 every month. That’s huge. Only, it’s been 3 months and I haven’t saved a thing. Why? Well, I wrecked Susan in the middle of July and had to by a new car, and between insurance screw-ups and waiting on payoff checks and breaking my apartment lease and owing them money, I haven’t been able to put that extra money in the bank. But it’s coming. October is going to be my month that all that gets situated and come November, that extra apartment rent money, insurance money, and surplus from not having to pay bills on my own is going straight to my savings account (well, after I buy a new cell phone. My blackberry is finally giving out).

Family
I love my family so much and I’ve been trying to physically and verbally show them how much I care about them as well. In July I went to Kentucky to see them and was there for two weeks. I also had two trips down south to Louisiana and Texas where I got to see my extended family. All good is on those fronts. I have a good relationship with all my brothers, my parents and my grandparents. I thank God everyday for blessing me with such a great family who loves and supports me.

Spiritually
This is perhaps the biggest change to happen in my life and recently. I will admit that I was very lax about finding a good church in Gastonia. Two years ago when I moved out on my own, I was gung-ho about hunting one down, but eventually that cooled off and I fell into the Sunday morning routine of washing my hair and cleaning out my DVR (if football wasn’t on.) To get a bit of the word I’d listen to Joel Osteen, but even that wasn’t feeding me enough. I used the excuse, and yes it was an excuse, that the reason I wasn’t finding a church was because every time I went to Kentucky and sat in my dad’s congregation and heard him speak the word, I knew I needed something similar to what he was offering, and in Gastonia I wasn’t finding it. Truth is, I just wasn’t looking hard enough.

Then this summer, after a girl’s weekend at Trish’s house, she says to us that we’re all going to church the next morning, even though we’ve been out late celebrating her birthday. I say OK and hop in the car and head to a 9:30 service at Elevation Church. Instantly I was hooked.

Pastor Steven is r-e-a-l. His words hit true to home and I learn something about myself or what I’m lacking in my walk with God every week. There are times when he’s preaching and I realize just how right on path I am. Being in church frequently has me desiring to get involved and give back. I’m thinking about mentoring, and volunteering and working in the eKidz department. I want to give back to the community and the world and really get plugged in. I love hearing his sermons. They are uplifting and at other times very eye-opening.
But what really pulled me in to Elevation was the worship. Since I’ve been involved in music since I was in 6th grade, I personally feel my connection to God and the Holy Spirit comes through worship. I can get more out of 20 minutes of singing and personal praying than I can get out of a 30-45 minute sermon.  The Worship Experience pulls me in, centers me, humbles me, and the direct communication link I have with God opens up wider, and I lift my hands (something I’ve rarely done in the past but now surrender completely to during my me-time-with-God), sing and pray, and feel totally at peace.

I have Trish to thank for all of this. Through her, I’ve found a church and I’m very passionate about attending that is feeding me spiritually. Those three weeks this summer I was off vacationing were hard because I was missing services and missing the worship and I longed for it. Truthfully, church services at Elevation have become the highlight of my weekend. :-)

I’m praying more, I’m trying to listen more, and the biggest thing off all is that I’m talking about God more. I’m sharing my viewpoints with my roommates, with my friends, with coworkers, and my family. There’s a spiritual fire burning inside of me and I love spreading it.

Jasmine 
Who am I? That’s a huge question for most people. Well, in two years of living off on my own, I think I know the answer. I love myself. I know my faults and I’m striving to be a better person. I know I’m not perfect by any means, but I’ve learned to take personal responsibility for myself and my actions, and you know, I have peace and stability at being exactly who I made created by God to be.

So what now… 
Well, since I can basically check off all these aspects of my life, what does that mean? Well, my mom always likes to ask me am I dating anyone or are there any potential flings. And for the majority of my two years away from her, that’s been a firm resounding no. I’ve had some dates, a few casual connections, but nothing substantial, no boyfriend, and I haven’t wanted one.  How could I date someone when I didn’t feel like I was my best self? My life was all out of balance. I was all out of balance, and after Anthony, I had to really hone in on exactly who I was, what I liked, what I needed, and what I wouldn’t accept from a man. Sure, mom might want more grandbabies besides Bentley and I’m the next logical choice in bearing a child since I’m the oldest, but I can’t rush something serious like bringing a person into my life if my life wasn’t together.
Last night I was talking to a friend of mine and I asked him what had he learned about me recently that he didn’t know before. Now, we’ve known each other for two years so to hear his answer to this was big for me. He said two things. “You’re more mature than I thought. You’re more mature spiritually than I thought too.”

I smiled instantly at the responses. For me, that’s great. He can see the change in me that I’ve been working for. He can see my growth as a person, my growth into an all-powerful-adult. Hearing that lets me know that I’m on track. I’m on track to being the best Jasmine that I can be at 25. I know I won’t be completely 100% perfect and satisfied, there will always be things that I need to work on with myself, but in my life’s journey, I know that I have to pause, reflect, and evaluate, and see if I’m making the right decisions and stepping onto the right paths that are going to benefit and fulfill me.

Well this was a very long post, and I’ve got an hour before I need to be heading out the door for church. So, until next time…

Holiday Cheer

Its Christmas morning and for the first time in my 23 years of existence I am not rushing to open gifts under the tree. In fact, I’m not with my family at all, save for my brother Jordan who lives with me. Yesterday when it dawned on me that it was Christmas Eve, it felt very surreal; kind of like it was just an ordinary day. Since I decided not to go to KY and put myself in a financial strain, I wasn’t filled with the usual exuberance I have during the Christmas season.

However, I found a new way to experience the cheer.

Last night I went to my friend’s house in Charlotte for a game and movie night, and I must admit I have never had more fun. We spent a couple hours playing Charades Attack and drinking wine and just kicking back and laughing. It was exactly what I needed.

Also, on the Eve of Christmas Eve I went to a late night viewing of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo with a coworker of mine and her family. Some of our other coworkers were supposed to attend, but with a 10:10 showing, they probably skipped out because it was too late. At any rate, I went and had a blast.

The past two nights have helped me to get into the Christmas spirit. I realize that even though I’m not with my family and I’ve probably reached that point in my life where every Christmas won’t be spent at mom’s house, I still have family. I’ve surrounded myself with good genuine people that care about me and that I care about.

In reality, Christmas isn’t about being with your immediate family all the time, it’s about being with people you love and cherish.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

New Years is coming up and I’ve got a fun alcohol-filled weekend planned with my girl friends. I’ll post again soon.

Family Ties Are the Ones that Bind

Growing up I sometimes felt as if my parents were making me out to be their golden child. An in comparison to my brothers, in some ways I was. I made the best grades, I got the least amount of whippings, I rarely got into trouble at school, I usually did what I was told without being reminded (with the exception of a few things) and I was always the epitome of well mannered in public. For my three brothers, that wasn’t always the case.

With my parents always doting on me, I grew up feeling bad for my three younger brothers. I didn’t want them resenting me or being jealous of how mom and dad always sung my praises. I used to hate when we’d have the infamous “family meetings” where they’d all get lashed out at and get asked “Why are you acting like this? You see your sister is making good grades. Why can’t you do it?” They always made a reference to me and the things I got to do as a result of my good behavior.

Anyway, my oldest brother Jordan is 20 years old. He’s a stubborn, prideful boy who chose the hard road in life. He did just well enough in high school to stay on the football team, he left college after one year, and he’s made bad choice after stupid choice after dumb choice and its left him often up the creek without a paddle.

After our parents moved to KY last year, after a few months he came back down here because he never wanted to leave in the first place. He and a friend moved into our old house where they attempted to keep up with the bills. But with his friend out of work and Jordan trying to cover the bills on his bi-weekly checks, staying on top of the financial game wasn’t easy. Factor in his reckless driving/tickets/wreck/lawyer fee and child support for his 18 month old son, car insurance and his cell phone bill and you can see how he could get behind.

Well, he was supposed to move in with me and this week he gave me a heads up that it was happening this weekend. Wednesday night I received a text from him asking me to please come pick up him. I called him immediately to find out what the deal was with the change of plans and was soon stunned.

My brother cried when he answered the phone. Told me he could stay at our house another day. He was behind on the bills and the power and the water was off. I could hear the misery in his voice. Me being his big sister I immediately hopped in my car and sped to him.

We returned to my apartment where he showered and went promptly to bed as did I. Thursday morning I woke up and was checking Facebook as I watched the morning news and his status popped up on my news feed. He had posted something 7 hours prior to that and what he wrote pulled my heart strings.

Just reached my breaking point in life. Those days I took for granted and every day from now on I'll look at with a different perspective. I now know what it feels like to be without. But I still have no idea the full extent of living life like this. I want to say thank you to Justin Lee Kelly, Bruce Phillips, and the Hatch family for helping me through these days. Without you I wouldn't be here today. I love my big sister Jasmine Davis for coming to get me instead of sleeping. Franklin Stinson, keep your head up and remain faithful at all times like you have been. WE WILL SEE BETTER DAYS. And will be able to help others like we have been helped. I love you all.

I got choked up right then and there. Forget the part where he thanked me for going to get him. To see him thank all those people who have helped him and to see him purpose to do better in his life so that he might return the favor of kindness others have shown him, JESUS, what a miracle. My brother is finally exiting his youth mentality and growing up. It made me feel good to see that he was appreciative of me, but I was more emotional in seeing his maturity.

It’s moments like these that I am so thankful for my family. All I ask is that you say a special prayer for him. Pray that the Lord blesses his life and shows him favor and continues to steer him down the correct path.