Race in the Altar

If anyone has been on my facebook page recently, you'll see that I recently posted an excerpt from a conversation I was having at lunch on Wednesday with a 2nd grade student of mine. It went like this:

(Marcus) Ms. Davis are you married to somebody named Mr. Davis?

(Me) No, I'm not married.
(Marcus) What?! When you get married it need to be to somebody black.
(Me) No I don't. They don't have to be black.
(Marcus) WHAT?! You like white?!! Nuh uhh Ms. Davis; black go with black. White go with white. If you was white you'd already be married by now.


Instead of being immediately offended like some people would have been, I had an uncontrollable bout of laughter erupt from my body. It was so severe that my eyes started watering. But as I talked with a friend of mine about it late in the afternoon, she made a comment that Marcus’s last comment had been true. Of the close friends or acquaintances I’d had in college, a vast majority of the white girls are either married or engaged, and a vast majority of the black girls are very much single. That called for some question in my mind. Why is it that we as black women aren’t getting our happily ever after as soon as our Caucasian counterparts?

Also, where along the lines did Marcus develop these racial lines in his 7 year old mind? “Black go with black; white go with white.” That is a pretty powerful statement. If this had’ve been a conversation during segregated times, it would be an accepted norm, but is it still a norm in modern times?

When I pause and watch the relationships of those around me, the majority are same race. There are a few people who like to mix the races but it is still taboo. My question is WHY? When I was a little girl my father told me that I better not ever bring anybody but a black guy home to meet him. So far, all the guys I’ve dated throughout my life have been black. I’ve had countless crushes on guys from other races, but for whatever the reason, I’ve never approached them for a date and they haven’t approached me.

I feel like a hypocrite when I talk about mixed race relationships. I’d like to say that I am a total advocate for it. I’m open-minded and I don’t care who people marry. Race is not an issue for me. We are all human beings. We live, we breathe, we eat, we love, we bleed, and we die. Nothing separates us except the pigmentation of our skin. But yet, deep down, I can’t quite get used to the idea of black men dating non-black women. Three of my four brothers seem to have a preference for white girls and for some reason it bothers me. I always wonder, why can’t they date a black girl? I asked my 20 year old brother that once and he just replied, “I don’t know. I just prefer white girls.” He said it had nothing to do with black women having “attitudes” and being “too demanding” as the stereotype goes, he just liked white girls. I myself am fiercely attracted to Hispanic men and European men; c’mon who wouldn’t want a suave Italian or an Irishman who’s a little rough around the edges? But have I ventured outside my race? No. I have not. I say I want to do it, but I don’t.

When will race in relationships stop becoming an issue in the world? Part of me knows the answer to that question is a strong never, and that saddens me.

Anyways, that was just something on my mind. Think about it.

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Love Stories

Me and my ex broke up in April. It's no big news, seeing as it's almost a year later. Surprisingly we're on cordial terms. I wouldn't call us friends, but I wouldn't call us enemies either. If I text him, he responds, if he texts me I respond. We've even had dinner together in a totally platonic way and it wasn't awkward. That's big! Anyway, one day I just so happened to be on his facebook page reading up on his latest statuses, he's known to post silly crap, and I saw that he had updated his quote section and he had added this:

"Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love. Some love stories are short stories... but they are still love stories all the same."

When I read it, I did what any normal girl would do. I asked myself, "Is that about me?" And immediately felt ashamed that I had been so insecure in my thoughts. It could be about me, as far as I'm concerned I'm the big love of his life. But then again, he could very well have dated someone seriously after me. But regardless of that, I shouldn't care. My heart has long since healed. That chapter in my life closed this summer when I got over him.

However, despite the fact that it could be about me or I'm just taking his words too personal, the quote hit my heart in an odd sort of way and made me think about the true depth of the words as it related to our relationship. It was like it was the perfect statement of closure. If he had've said that to me after we'd broken up when I was questioning what went wrong in our relationship and how I could've saved it, I would have been OK. I'm a romantic at heart and that would have helped ease my pain. So I sat there looking at the quote and dissecting it and came to some revelations. Just because we aren't together now didn't mean that he never loved me back then. And just because our relationship ended after 3.5 years, doesn't mean that it was 3.5 years of our lives wasted. At the time, we were in love and we were happy, but somewhere along the way the happiness faded and we realized we wanted different things. So after I sat and pondered the quote for a few moments, I smiled and exited his facebook page.

In the terms of my life span (almost 23 years), our love was a short story, but it was still a story nonetheless. It was a chapter in my life that has in some way shaped me into the person that I am today. Without the love and the heartbreak that he caused me, I couldn't say that I would be where I am today, and for that I thank him for both loving me, and hurting me. It took me a while to be able to appreciate both.

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Self-diagnosed Prescription

I think that I am going to start a new blog. It's been on my mind for a while now, and I think that I am ready to take that jump. The second blog will be devoted solely to my writing and getting my name out there. It will feature snippets and sometimes full chapters of the books I'm working on. It will also highlight any ideas I have for upcoming works. I have told many people throughout the years that I have aspirations of becoming a New York Times Best-selling author, it's time I started working to achieve that goal.

This blog (An Unconventional Princess) will keep serving the purpose of my online "diary" in a sense. Most posts have chronicled different battles or triumphs I've had in my life. Writing is sort of like my own personal prescription for my well-being. I used to keep a diary in high school and it helped me relieve my emotions when I had no one to talk to. By writing all my thoughts and life experiences down on here, hopefully it'll serve many purposes: give people something to to ponder on, relate to or laugh at; help me deal with situations in my life; and thirdly, give me something to go back and look on many years from now to see how I've grown. So, I'm going to take a leap of faith. I'm starting a new blog dedicated solely to my aspirations/dream of becoming a writer. Now all I have to do is think of a blog title....

20-NYE-11: "Good-bye Grandpa!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I only posted 16 times on this blog in 2010 and that's a shame. My goal is to write more this year. I started a new book December 31st and have already written 60 pages in word, single spaced mind you. So I'm focused. Hopefully by summer I'll have it and the sequel completed and I can use my free time from work to see about getting that thing published. So to keep in the spirit of writing, I'm going to get back into blogging.

NEW YEARS EVE was the BEST night of my life ALL Winter! OMG! I went out with 3 of my sorors to the Suite lounge in Charlotte. After I got over the shock of paying $50 to get into the club, we got dolled up and hit the bar and the dance floor. I danced with so many guys of so many races and it was a SPECTACULAR experience. I even had this dude buy me a drink and offer to buy more. But when I had his drink, that was #4 for me and I was stopping. Last time I got drunk was WCU homecoming in October and I was ridiculous. I didn't want to be ridiculous out in public on New Year's Eve. But anyway, this guy buys me a drink and then lets me keep the change from the drink. $4.00. Hey that's a meal from Wendy's. So after that, I decided to flirt a little bit. He deserved it for adding to my alcohol intake and my wallet. He was really cute too, which was an added bonus and had beautiful straight teeth. But as the night progressed and our flirting, a few warning signs were thrown up and then the bomb went off and I had to cut him off.

1. he came to the lounge alone
2. he spent most of his time at the bar
3. when he did wander away from the bar he was kind of stalkerish looking at women
4. he got way too fresh when he was dancing with me ( I won't elaborate)
5. dude got way too drunk
and finally 6. he got all defensive when I asked him how old he was

"Why do you want to know how old I am?" I thought it was a logical question. I mean I saw potential in giving him my number and getting to know him outside of the club. Aside from the warning signs he was really a nice guy. Well how old was this attractive big spender? "I'm 36," was his reply to my question.

WHAT?! 36. Dude, that means you are technically old enough to be my father if you impregnated my mom when you were 14. EEEWWWWWWW.

Good-bye grand-pa. Dude was cut off!

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Computer Obscenities

F*%#ing computer I just want to throw it off my balcony. It's been f*%#ing up and glitches and deleting things as I'm typing and if it keeps this s&@t up I'm just gonna go buy a new one. I don't have time for these tech issues. I just had the thing reformatted in the summer by the Geek Squad so it should be working like it's brand new. I no longer download music, I have a great spyware program and I'm careful about the pages I get on the internet. What is the deal? I hate this!