It's the weekend. Sacred time; time I look forward to because I can spend long uninterrupted hours doing what I love to do, something I'm passionate for... writing.
Only, when I pull out my trusty jump drive and prepare to open the latest novel I've been working on, it halts mid open and gives me the most awful shock of my life. The document can't be opened because there's a problem with the file. I.e., it's corrupted.
Ok -- Anyone who knows me really well knows that writing is my passion. Aside from teaching, it's what brings me joy and happiness. I have hopes and dreams and aspirations of becoming a NY times best selling author. I want my novels to be translated into several different languages and sold around the world. I want to fill up the shelves of bookstores with pieces of my fiction, and that way, even long after I'm dead, I can still give avid readers a place to escape to within the pages of my written work.
But no -- not tonight. Tonight the technology demon has reared it's ugly head and somewhere between April 23rd, the last time I worked on my book, and today, the file got corrupted and no matter what I did to try to recover it; it's gone. 245 pages of the inner workings of my mind, 333 total hours of writing and editing. The thing is, I've been working on this particular book since February 3rd and I'm pretty darn proud of it. I even had the last few chapters mapped out and I was ready to bring the book to a close.
But no -- not tonight. Tonight I got to stare at that little dialog box (I hate that dialog box) as it told me that my book was lost to me forever.
I don't know what to do. When you save things on jump drives, you expect them to be ok. I suppose I'll have to by a new one because this is the second time this has happened to me with this particular USB. The first time was in the summer. I lost a story I was working on, but it was only a short and I'd been on it for a week. In no way is it comparable to losing the running 80,000+ words I lost just now.
I quite frankly don't know what to do. Luckily I had a partial back up; saved from I don't know when. But it's about 10,000+ words short of where I currently was.
I'm at a fork in the road. I can just chuck this up to "It Wasn't Meant to Be" or I can submit myself to trying to recreate part of the novel that I wrote weeks ago.
Shock. Anger. Number. Disbelief. Regret. Those are just a few words to describe how I'm feeling right now.
Shock -- my heart sank when that message popped up on screen
Anger -- are you fucking kidding me? My book is gone!
Numb -- my book is gone...
Disbelief -- I can't believe this is seriously happening again
Regret -- damn it, why didn't I save it in a third location, or email it to myself, or put it in drop box. A whole lot of shoulda, coulda, woulda's....
It's safe to say I won't be writing tonight.
@JustJazzyD
Saturday, April 28, 2012
Sunday, April 15, 2012
GOD vs. Science: A Conversation
I saw this on facebook and thought I'd share. I found it interesting; so did my dad, a preacher.
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
TAKE TIME TO READ. It's
worth reading it. Trust me :)
Professor : You are a Christian, aren’t you, son ?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, you believe in GOD ?
Student : Absolutely, sir.
Professor : Is GOD good ?
Student : Sure.
Professor: Is GOD all powerful ?
Student : Yes.
Professor: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to GOD to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But GOD didn’t. How is this GOD good then? Hmm?
(Student was silent.)
Professor: You can’t answer, can you ? Let’s start again, young fella. Is GOD good?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Is satan good ?
Student : No.
Professor: Where does satan come from ?
Student : From … GOD …
Professor: That’s right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?
Student : Yes.
Professor: Evil is everywhere, isn’t it ? And GOD did make everything. Correct?
Student : Yes.
Professor: So who created evil ?
(Student did not answer.)
Professor: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don’t they?
Student : Yes, sir.
Professor: So, who created them ?
(Student had no answer.)
Professor: Science says you have 5 Senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son, have you ever seen GOD?
Student : No, sir.
Professor: Tell us if you have ever heard your GOD?
Student : No , sir.
Professor: Have you ever felt your GOD, tasted your GOD, smelt your GOD? Have you ever had any sensory perception of GOD for that matter?
Student : No, sir. I’m afraid I haven’t.
Professor: Yet you still believe in Him?
Student : Yes.
Professor : According to Empirical, Testable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says your GOD doesn’t exist. What do you say to that, son?
Student : Nothing. I only have my faith.
Professor: Yes, faith. And that is the problem Science has.
Student : Professor, is there such a thing as heat?
Professor: Yes.
Student : And is there such a thing as cold?
Professor: Yes.
Student : No, sir. There isn’t.
(The lecture theater became very quiet with this turn of events.)
Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don’t have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can’t go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold. Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat. We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy. Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it.
(There was pin-drop silence in the lecture theater.)
Student : What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?
Professor: Yes. What is night if there isn’t darkness?
Student : You’re wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light. But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and its called darkness, isn’t it? In reality, darkness isn’t. If it is, well you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn’t you?
Professor: So what is the point you are making, young man ?
Student : Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.
Professor: Flawed ? Can you explain how?
Student : Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good GOD and a bad GOD. You are viewing the concept of GOD as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, Science can’t even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one. To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor, do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?
Professor: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.
Student : Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?
(The Professor shook his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument was going.)
Student : Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor. Are not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?
(The class was in uproar.)
Student : Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor’s brain?
(The class broke out into laughter. )
Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor’s brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established Rules of Empirical, Stable, Demonstrable Protocol, Science says that you have no brain, sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?
(The room was silent. The Professor stared at the student, his face unfathomable.)
Professor: I guess you’ll have to take them on faith, son.
Student : That is it sir … Exactly ! The link between man & GOD is FAITH. That is all that keeps things alive and moving.
P.S.
I believe you have enjoyed the conversation. And if so, you’ll probably want your friends / colleagues to enjoy the same, won’t you?
Forward this to increase their knowledge … or FAITH.
By the way, that student was EINSTEIN.
Sunday, April 8, 2012
Resurrection Sunday
Most people took to social media this morning to wish people "Happy Easter". My first tweet this morning was a different spin on this Holiday.
It's not Easter. It's Resurrection Sunday.
I followed that tweet with this one.
Jesus died and rose again so that we might live. Take a moment to be thankful that He loves us so much to die for our sins.
On this day, several people go to church and get a watered down version of what happened when Jesus died on the cross for all of us. Then after church they go out and have Easter egg hunts and snack on chocolate bunnies and eggs. That stuff doesn't do it for me. The eggs and the bunnies are all pagan symbols of a fertility god. If you ask me, fertility has nothing to do with My Savior dying for my sins.
Call me a miser if you want to, but I don't look at Easter the same. It isn't about looking for eggs and getting Easter baskets full of candy and toys. It's about remembering. Remembering a time when the human race was so corrupt and full of sins that our Father God was ready to blight us from the world. Instead, his son, Jesus, bore all of our sins on his back and died so that we might have a fresh start.
Today, on Easter, I choose to let that by my focus. And for that, Jesus, my Lord, my Savior, I thank you. Thank you for caring enough about me and my future to die for me.
It's not Easter. It's Resurrection Sunday.
I followed that tweet with this one.
Jesus died and rose again so that we might live. Take a moment to be thankful that He loves us so much to die for our sins.
On this day, several people go to church and get a watered down version of what happened when Jesus died on the cross for all of us. Then after church they go out and have Easter egg hunts and snack on chocolate bunnies and eggs. That stuff doesn't do it for me. The eggs and the bunnies are all pagan symbols of a fertility god. If you ask me, fertility has nothing to do with My Savior dying for my sins.
Call me a miser if you want to, but I don't look at Easter the same. It isn't about looking for eggs and getting Easter baskets full of candy and toys. It's about remembering. Remembering a time when the human race was so corrupt and full of sins that our Father God was ready to blight us from the world. Instead, his son, Jesus, bore all of our sins on his back and died so that we might have a fresh start.
Today, on Easter, I choose to let that by my focus. And for that, Jesus, my Lord, my Savior, I thank you. Thank you for caring enough about me and my future to die for me.
Friday, March 23, 2012
Wordle
I learned about Wordle.com in a workshop in a Reading Conference I went to. I'm attempting to save it, but I don't know why I can't save it as an image. So I'm linking it here for future reference.
Monday, January 9, 2012
--ble... A poem
So.... I went out on a limb and was a bit unimaginable.
I did the unthinkable.
Of course, I knew it was inevitable.
As a result, I experienced the unbelievable.
The entire situation is completely unmentionable;
however, it is totally laughable.
The emotions I feel when I reminsce are completely palpable.
Perhaps I should write a book about moments such as this; those that are inconceivable.
At least that way, my laughter, shock, and glee can be somewhat tangible.
Though anything considerable stemming from this is highly improbable,
I am quite grateful for an experience so unforgettable.
Note to self: post about New Years Eve and the hijinx that ensued
Friday, December 30, 2011
An Active Mind is a Happy Mind
I recently went on a shopping excursion to Books-a-Million and purchased 5, that’s right, 5 new books. Two in one of my favorite series, two in the same genre that are the first in the series, and lastly a random pick off the shelf by an African American author (because my friend Jasmine says I don’t read enough books written by black people). Then when I tweeted about my excitement for some new books to add to my growing library, my brother called me a NERD, to which I replied “Nerd and proud. Got to keep my mind active”. But now, as Christmas break is winding down, I realize I am a BIG NERD and I have been very active when it comes to reading.
I am proud to say that I have just finished reading my third book in two weeks. And by just finished, I mean 30 minutes ago I finished a book and decided to blog about it.
The first one I read was Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”. I had a deadline to read that book because the movie came out last Wednesday and I had plans to see if Friday. So I used all of last week, and a good bit of last Thursday night eating up the 644 pages of prose. The book was great as well as the movie. It was very long, very Swedish; had epic twists and turns; I loved it. It was one of the first thriller/mysteries I’ve read in a long time that I couldn’t figure out “whodunit” as I was reading. Kudos to Larsson with that. I’m pumped to read the sequel.
The second was the 3rd in the IAD series by one of my favorite paranormal romance authors Kresley Cole, “Wicked Deeds on a Winters Night”. I devoured that thing. And when I say devoured, I mean I started reading it around 10am on Tuesday morning. I was done reading it at 2:30pm on Tuesday afternoon. I literally did not even eat lunch because I had to know what was coming next. I LOVE the male hero Bowen’s character. He was so troubled, so witty, so smooth, so romantic; totally endearing. His quick-witted comebacks against the girl he was trying to woo, Mariketa, had me laughing time and time again.
And today, rather 30 minutes ago I finished reading Richelle Mead’s “Vampire Academy”. I would describe this as being Twilight meets Harry Potter. It’s a young adult book, not a genre I really get into anymore because I don’t want to read about high school kids. But I was immediately sucked in. The heroine Rose is a badass to say the least with a smart mouth and I totally could relate to her (plus all the sexual/physical tension between her and the older, sexy, Russian Dimitri had me dying to know what was next). I’ve had this book on my radar for about a year and was on the fence about reading it. But after reading the majority of it in 4 hours last night and the rest of it in about 1.5 hrs today, it’s safe to say I’m hooked. Totally ecstatic that there’s 5 more books in the series; I love a good book series.
Also, on a I’m-so-happy-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-myself note…. I FINISHED MY BOOK! My book. One that I am writing. I started it late October; I finished it on Christmas. I can’t even believe it. It took me 2 months to actually start and finish a book. I never finish something I’m working on. I feel so accomplished. My plan now is to ignore it for a few weeks then come back to it and look at it afresh to edit it. Then around my birthday (end of March) I am going to start sending it off to literary agents and hopefully by summer I’ll either have the empty silence that is rejection or a letter requesting my full manuscript which then turns into me getting an agent and then getting it published.
I feel like my life is on the right track creatively. I plan to keep this up as well as ready another slew of books. J Next on deck is:
- “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins (gotta read it before the movie comes out)
- “Dark Desires after Dusk” by Kresley Cole (#5 in the IAD series; I already read # 4 this summer)
- “The Davis Years” by Nicole Green (written by a black author)
- “Pleasure Unbound” by Larissa Ione (more paranormal romance)
- “Kiss of Midnight” by Lara Adrian (more paranormal romance)
- Then there’s 2 more Kresley Cole books #8 and #9, but I need to go back and buy #7 hahaha
And somewhere in there I have to read “A Clash of Kings” by George R.R. Martin before Game of Thrones season 2 starts on HBO in April! I’m going to be busy!
But hey, looking at all these newly purchased books makes me absolutely giddy. So go ahead and say it: I’m a NERD!
Sunday, December 25, 2011
Holiday Cheer
Its Christmas morning and for the first time in my 23 years of existence I am not rushing to open gifts under the tree. In fact, I’m not with my family at all, save for my brother Jordan who lives with me. Yesterday when it dawned on me that it was Christmas Eve, it felt very surreal; kind of like it was just an ordinary day. Since I decided not to go to KY and put myself in a financial strain, I wasn’t filled with the usual exuberance I have during the Christmas season.
However, I found a new way to experience the cheer.
Last night I went to my friend’s house in Charlotte for a game and movie night, and I must admit I have never had more fun. We spent a couple hours playing Charades Attack and drinking wine and just kicking back and laughing. It was exactly what I needed.
Also, on the Eve of Christmas Eve I went to a late night viewing of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo with a coworker of mine and her family. Some of our other coworkers were supposed to attend, but with a 10:10 showing, they probably skipped out because it was too late. At any rate, I went and had a blast.
The past two nights have helped me to get into the Christmas spirit. I realize that even though I’m not with my family and I’ve probably reached that point in my life where every Christmas won’t be spent at mom’s house, I still have family. I’ve surrounded myself with good genuine people that care about me and that I care about.
In reality, Christmas isn’t about being with your immediate family all the time, it’s about being with people you love and cherish.
So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!
New Years is coming up and I’ve got a fun alcohol-filled weekend planned with my girl friends. I’ll post again soon.
Monday, November 28, 2011
Is it December Yet?
I will be so glad when Thursday hits and I can officially change the calendar in my classroom to December. Though fall (my favorite season) is in full swing and the temperature is slowly cooling off, I must say November has not been the best month for me. It’s been full of a lot of ups and downs and financial strains and stressors. And I don’t get stressed. So for me to admit I was stressed, that is saying a lot.
Let’s recap:
My brother’s car had something wrong with it where it wouldn’t start which translated to us having to use my car for the entire month of October. The ENTIRE month of October. I work 30 minutes away. He works 45 minutes away. Do you know how many miles were put on that thing?
I digress.
But, finally he got things situated and got a new car early this month. I was so happy. Susan and I were finally going to reconnect. I wasn’t going to have to stretch my gas budget to accommodate my brother anymore.
I celebrated the return of Susan too early. I walked out the door heading to work on Monday morning when suddenly I realized, I had a flat tire.
A flat tire that couldn’t be plugged mind you. So then I had to use my spare. Which translates to = Now I have to buy a new tire because I don’t have a spare should something else happen to my car.
Add a new tire to the list of things I need to buy.
Then my laptop screen starts to break, and bend, and the insides start to rattle more than usual and Oscar just operates slower and slower than usual which makes me believe the hard drive is crashing faster than I expected it to.
So add a new computer to the already insane list of things I need to buy.
If that wasn’t icing on the cake, I was summoned to Kentucky for my dad’s 1st pastoral appreciation. I didn’t really want to go. Not because I didn’t want to be there to support my dad, but because I wanted to go there during Thanksgiving when I had a few more days off from work and wouldn’t have to take any off.
But Mom wouldn’t budge on that, so off, Jordan, Bentley and I went to Kentucky.
A vacation in the middle of the month should have been nice right? WRONG.
A crazy deer decides to hop a median in Nashville and ram into my car. MY car. The one I’M making payments on. Did I mention I was in another state?
I cried. Oh I cried. I sat in the backseat, held my little nephews hand, and I cried.
Damages totaled in the ballpark of $7,000.
That’s equal to 7 months of bills for me. It hurt my heart. But insurance is covering so I can’t complain.
But I do have to cover the money for my own deductible and cost to rent a car. I had to break down and ask my parents for help with that. My bank account dried up when I had to drive to Kentucky.
So currently I am without transportation and very much broke. I’ll be glad when it’s December. I’m ready to start a fresh month.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My new obsession: Packers football!
Go Pack Go!
It's finally happened. I have pledged my allegiance to a football team and I am proud to say that for the past 5 Sunday afternoons, my butt has been glued to my TV watching Green Bay Packers murder people on the field.
My brother was disappointed when I told him. "Why couldn't you have picked the Patriots or something?" he asked. "Idk," I answered. I just sat down and watched the Packers on TV one day and fell in love, and well, it's been a happy union so far.
And more importantly, the Pack has some scrumptious eye candy, more specifically #52, Clay Matthews, aka "the Claymaker". I'm in deep admiration of this man. His game is so beastly. He himself describes how he plays as "reckless". lol That's freaking awesome.
I stumbled upon this picture of him while checking out his stats and game highlights.
All I want to know is, where was I when this pic was taken and how come I didn't know about it? Because... Damn! William Clay Matthews III is 6 foot 3 and 250+ pounds of beautiful golden muscle and reckless abandon. I just can't stop staring at this picture. And what I like is that he's only 25 mind you. So he has tons of years left in his career before he's too old and needs to retire. I look forward to hearing the announcers scream his name on my TV every weekend. God did a wonderful thing for women when he allowed his parents to conceive him =D
And just to give you a little taste of how big, somewhat comical, beastly and amazing he is. I'll leave you with two videos I found on youtube.
Blowing up Plays:
Game Highlights:
Clay Matthews, I salute you! Thank you for all that you do.
It's finally happened. I have pledged my allegiance to a football team and I am proud to say that for the past 5 Sunday afternoons, my butt has been glued to my TV watching Green Bay Packers murder people on the field.
My brother was disappointed when I told him. "Why couldn't you have picked the Patriots or something?" he asked. "Idk," I answered. I just sat down and watched the Packers on TV one day and fell in love, and well, it's been a happy union so far.
And more importantly, the Pack has some scrumptious eye candy, more specifically #52, Clay Matthews, aka "the Claymaker". I'm in deep admiration of this man. His game is so beastly. He himself describes how he plays as "reckless". lol That's freaking awesome.
I stumbled upon this picture of him while checking out his stats and game highlights.
What a gorgeous BIG man!
And just to give you a little taste of how big, somewhat comical, beastly and amazing he is. I'll leave you with two videos I found on youtube.
Blowing up Plays:
hahhahaha, hilarious! Makes me laugh every time!
He sacks QBs, he forces fumbles, he recovers them for TDs... Is there anything he can't do!
Clay Matthews, I salute you! Thank you for all that you do.
Friday, September 30, 2011
Family Ties Are the Ones that Bind
Growing up I sometimes felt as if my parents were making me out to be their golden child. An in comparison to my brothers, in some ways I was. I made the best grades, I got the least amount of whippings, I rarely got into trouble at school, I usually did what I was told without being reminded (with the exception of a few things) and I was always the epitome of well mannered in public. For my three brothers, that wasn’t always the case.
With my parents always doting on me, I grew up feeling bad for my three younger brothers. I didn’t want them resenting me or being jealous of how mom and dad always sung my praises. I used to hate when we’d have the infamous “family meetings” where they’d all get lashed out at and get asked “Why are you acting like this? You see your sister is making good grades. Why can’t you do it?” They always made a reference to me and the things I got to do as a result of my good behavior.
Anyway, my oldest brother Jordan is 20 years old. He’s a stubborn, prideful boy who chose the hard road in life. He did just well enough in high school to stay on the football team, he left college after one year, and he’s made bad choice after stupid choice after dumb choice and its left him often up the creek without a paddle.
After our parents moved to KY last year, after a few months he came back down here because he never wanted to leave in the first place. He and a friend moved into our old house where they attempted to keep up with the bills. But with his friend out of work and Jordan trying to cover the bills on his bi-weekly checks, staying on top of the financial game wasn’t easy. Factor in his reckless driving/tickets/wreck/lawyer fee and child support for his 18 month old son, car insurance and his cell phone bill and you can see how he could get behind.
Well, he was supposed to move in with me and this week he gave me a heads up that it was happening this weekend. Wednesday night I received a text from him asking me to please come pick up him. I called him immediately to find out what the deal was with the change of plans and was soon stunned.
My brother cried when he answered the phone. Told me he could stay at our house another day. He was behind on the bills and the power and the water was off. I could hear the misery in his voice. Me being his big sister I immediately hopped in my car and sped to him.
We returned to my apartment where he showered and went promptly to bed as did I. Thursday morning I woke up and was checking Facebook as I watched the morning news and his status popped up on my news feed. He had posted something 7 hours prior to that and what he wrote pulled my heart strings.
Just reached my breaking point in life. Those days I took for granted and every day from now on I'll look at with a different perspective. I now know what it feels like to be without. But I still have no idea the full extent of living life like this. I want to say thank you to Justin Lee Kelly, Bruce Phillips, and the Hatch family for helping me through these days. Without you I wouldn't be here today. I love my big sister Jasmine Davis for coming to get me instead of sleeping. Franklin Stinson, keep your head up and remain faithful at all times like you have been. WE WILL SEE BETTER DAYS. And will be able to help others like we have been helped. I love you all.
I got choked up right then and there. Forget the part where he thanked me for going to get him. To see him thank all those people who have helped him and to see him purpose to do better in his life so that he might return the favor of kindness others have shown him, JESUS, what a miracle. My brother is finally exiting his youth mentality and growing up. It made me feel good to see that he was appreciative of me, but I was more emotional in seeing his maturity.
It’s moments like these that I am so thankful for my family. All I ask is that you say a special prayer for him. Pray that the Lord blesses his life and shows him favor and continues to steer him down the correct path.
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