Somewhere in the late hours of last night or the wee hours of this morning my friend and her bf hit a roadblock in their relationship and decided to call it quits. After nearly 6 years of being together the breakup has to be devastating to her. She’s a very emotional lady, and sometimes I find it to be a little too much. But I’m a very keep-it-to-myself, don’t-share-too-much-of-my-feelings type of person, so I had to learn how she operates before I could fully appreciate it and truly understand her. I know she’ll probably walk around saying she’s ok, she expected it, it was a long time coming, and she’s glad to be single… yadda, yadda, yadda. But deep down I know she’s hurt and she’ll probably spend a lot of time crying her eyes out. But in spite of all that, I want to offer her some words, and offer some words to every woman who has been dumped, done the dumping, and had to split with a great love of life life.
First off, I want to give you a big hug and say, it’s ok. It is not the end of the world. I certainly thought when my 3+ year relationship with my ex ended it was the end of the world. I didn’t know what to do or how I was going to get through each day, but I did. Some days I was miserable, and I spent a few minutes in the bathroom crying before I had to go teach my students. Other days I was angry and upset wondering how could he do this to me or why hadn’t I been the brave one and ended things myself? Because let’s face it, every person, and I mean EVERY person, knows when their relationship is fizzling out. I knew I should’ve dumped him in September of 2009, it didn’t actually happen until he dumped me in April of 2010! For 7 more months I put on a happy face, ignoring the fact that we were drifting apart. Eventually when I came down off of my emotional roller coaster, I begin to enjoy life again and my thoughts didn’t revolve solely around him and our happy and not so happy years. I didn’t die, the world didn’t implode. Time kept ticking and it was up to me to make something of it. So, I will repeat, when you break up it’s not the end of the world, life goes on.
Secondly, I want to encourage you to use this breakup to do the things that make you happy. If you’ve invested years into your relationship, your mindset has probably shifted from being about you and what makes you happy to being about your partner and what makes them happy. Use this time to focus on you. Give yourself fully to your career, rekindle relationships with friends and family, get closer to God; Lose weight, read a book, write a book, pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, do something! But the point is, don’t sit around moping and rehashing what was and what wasn’t and what could’ve should’ve or would’ve been.
Thirdly, realize that being single is not the end all, be all. I’ve been boyfriend-less for over a year now and honestly I can’t say that I don’t really want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage. Not right now; Maybe in 3-5 years. When I was in college that was all I could dream about; dating my ex for long enough until he decided to propose to me. After we broke up, I was like, ok, the next guy I date is going to be the one. Newsflash to me: he wasn’t either! People look at being single like it’s a terrible thing, like I’m going to be lonely or something. In truth, sometimes it is. I miss having a nice warm body next to me in my bed. But on the flipside, I love getting to stretch my legs out and take up my whole mattress. Being single offers me a certain amount of freedom that I don’t have when I’m the other half of a “couple-equation”.
So my dear friend, I know you’re scared about being alone. I know you’re wondering how you’ll start over and meet the next great love of your life. Don’t worry girl, it will happen. Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now will pop up when you least expect it. And if you’ve got your life together, your radiance will dazzle him and he will stop and nothing to be your Prince. (Metaphor alert) Until then, don’t sit in your castle wishing and praying for the day he will ride up on his stallion and whisk you a way to your happily ever after; life your life and go on a great adventure.
Hugs! xoxoxo
