An Active Mind is a Happy Mind

I recently went on a shopping excursion to Books-a-Million and purchased 5, that’s right, 5 new books. Two in one of my favorite series, two in the same genre that are the first in the series, and lastly a random pick off the shelf by an African American author (because my friend Jasmine says I don’t read enough books written by black people). Then when I tweeted about my excitement for some new books to add to my growing library, my brother called me a NERD, to which I replied “Nerd and proud. Got to keep my mind active”. But now, as Christmas break is winding down, I realize I am a BIG NERD and I have been very active when it comes to reading.

I am proud to say that I have just finished reading my third book in two weeks. And by just finished, I mean 30 minutes ago I finished a book and decided to blog about it.

The first one I read was Stieg Larsson’s “The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo”. I had a deadline to read that book because the movie came out last Wednesday and I had plans to see if Friday. So I used all of last week, and a good bit of last Thursday night eating up the 644 pages of prose. The book was great as well as the movie. It was very long, very Swedish; had epic twists and turns; I loved it. It was one of the first thriller/mysteries I’ve read in a long time that I couldn’t figure out “whodunit” as I was reading. Kudos to Larsson with that. I’m pumped to read the sequel.

The second was the 3^rd in the IAD series by one of my favorite paranormal romance authors Kresley Cole, “Wicked Deeds on a Winters Night”. I devoured that thing. And when I say devoured, I mean I started reading it around 10am on Tuesday morning. I was done reading it at 2:30pm on Tuesday afternoon. I literally did not even eat lunch because I had to know what was coming next. I LOVE the male hero Bowen’s character. He was so troubled, so witty, so smooth, so romantic; totally endearing. His quick-witted comebacks against the girl he was trying to woo, Mariketa, had me laughing time and time again.

And today, rather 30 minutes ago I finished reading Richelle Mead’s “Vampire Academy”. I would describe this as being Twilight meets Harry Potter. It’s a young adult book, not a genre I really get into anymore because I don’t want to read about high school kids. But I was immediately sucked in. The heroine Rose is a badass to say the least with a smart mouth and I totally could relate to her (plus all the sexual/physical tension between her and the older, sexy, Russian Dimitri had me dying to know what was next). I’ve had this book on my radar for about a year and was on the fence about reading it. But after reading the majority of it in 4 hours last night and the rest of it in about 1.5 hrs today, it’s safe to say I’m hooked. Totally ecstatic that there’s 5 more books in the series; I love a good book series.

Also, on a I’m-so-happy-I-don’t-know-what-to-do-with-myself note…. I FINISHED MY BOOK! My book. One that I am writing. I started it late October; I finished it on Christmas. I can’t even believe it. It took me 2 months to actually start and finish a book. I never finish something I’m working on. I feel so accomplished. My plan now is to ignore it for a few weeks then come back to it and look at it afresh to edit it. Then around my birthday (end of March) I am going to start sending it off to literary agents and hopefully by summer I’ll either have the empty silence that is rejection or a letter requesting my full manuscript which then turns into me getting an agent and then getting it published.

I feel like my life is on the right track creatively. I plan to keep this up as well as ready another slew of books. J Next on deck is:

1. “The Hunger Games” by Suzanne Collins (gotta read it before the movie comes out)
2. “Dark Desires after Dusk” by Kresley Cole (#5 in the IAD series; I already read # 4 this summer)
3. “The Davis Years” by Nicole Green (written by a black author)
4. “Pleasure Unbound” by Larissa Ione (more paranormal romance)
5. “Kiss of Midnight” by Lara Adrian (more paranormal romance)
6. Then there’s 2 more Kresley Cole books #8 and #9, but I need to go back and buy #7 hahaha 

And somewhere in there I have to read “A Clash of Kings” by George R.R. Martin before Game of Thrones season 2 starts on HBO in April! I’m going to be busy! 

But hey, looking at all these newly purchased books makes me absolutely giddy. So go ahead and say it: I’m a NERD! 

Holiday Cheer

Its Christmas morning and for the first time in my 23 years of existence I am not rushing to open gifts under the tree. In fact, I’m not with my family at all, save for my brother Jordan who lives with me. Yesterday when it dawned on me that it was Christmas Eve, it felt very surreal; kind of like it was just an ordinary day. Since I decided not to go to KY and put myself in a financial strain, I wasn’t filled with the usual exuberance I have during the Christmas season.

However, I found a new way to experience the cheer.

Last night I went to my friend’s house in Charlotte for a game and movie night, and I must admit I have never had more fun. We spent a couple hours playing Charades Attack and drinking wine and just kicking back and laughing. It was exactly what I needed.

Also, on the Eve of Christmas Eve I went to a late night viewing of the Girl with the Dragon Tattoo with a coworker of mine and her family. Some of our other coworkers were supposed to attend, but with a 10:10 showing, they probably skipped out because it was too late. At any rate, I went and had a blast.

The past two nights have helped me to get into the Christmas spirit. I realize that even though I’m not with my family and I’ve probably reached that point in my life where every Christmas won’t be spent at mom’s house, I still have family. I’ve surrounded myself with good genuine people that care about me and that I care about.

In reality, Christmas isn’t about being with your immediate family all the time, it’s about being with people you love and cherish.

So, Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

New Years is coming up and I’ve got a fun alcohol-filled weekend planned with my girl friends. I’ll post again soon.

Is it December Yet?

I will be so glad when Thursday hits and I can officially change the calendar in my classroom to December. Though fall (my favorite season) is in full swing and the temperature is slowly cooling off, I must say November has not been the best month for me. It’s been full of a lot of ups and downs and financial strains and stressors. And I don’t get stressed. So for me to admit I was stressed, that is saying a lot.

Let’s recap:

My brother’s car had something wrong with it where it wouldn’t start which translated to us having to use my car for the entire month of October. The ENTIRE month of October. I work 30 minutes away. He works 45 minutes away. Do you know how many miles were put on that thing?

I digress.

But, finally he got things situated and got a new car early this month. I was so happy. Susan and I were finally going to reconnect. I wasn’t going to have to stretch my gas budget to accommodate my brother anymore.

I celebrated the return of Susan too early. I walked out the door heading to work on Monday morning when suddenly I realized, I had a flat tire.

A flat tire that couldn’t be plugged mind you. So then I had to use my spare. Which translates to = Now I have to buy a new tire because I don’t have  a spare should something else happen to my car.

Add a new tire to the list of things I need to buy.

Then my laptop screen starts to break, and bend, and the insides start to rattle more than usual and Oscar just operates slower and slower than usual which makes me believe the hard drive is crashing faster than I expected it to.

So add a new computer to the already insane list of things I need to buy.

If that wasn’t icing on the cake, I was summoned to Kentucky for my dad’s 1^st pastoral appreciation. I didn’t really want to go. Not because I didn’t want to be there to support my dad, but because I wanted to go there during Thanksgiving when I had a few more days off from work and wouldn’t have to take any off.

But Mom wouldn’t budge on that, so off, Jordan, Bentley and I went to Kentucky.

A vacation in the middle of the month should have been nice right? WRONG.

A crazy deer decides to hop a median in Nashville and ram into my car. MY car. The one I’M making payments on. Did I mention I was in another state?

I cried. Oh I cried. I sat in the backseat, held my little nephews hand, and I cried.

Damages totaled in the ballpark of $7,000.

That’s equal to 7 months of bills for me. It hurt my heart. But insurance is covering so I can’t complain.

But I do have to cover the money for my own deductible and cost to rent a car. I had to break down and ask my parents for help with that. My bank account dried up when I had to drive to Kentucky.

So currently I am without transportation and very much broke. I’ll be glad when it’s December. I’m ready to start a fresh month. 

My new obsession: Packers football!

Go Pack Go!

It's finally happened. I have pledged my allegiance to a football team and I am proud to say that for the past 5 Sunday afternoons, my butt has been glued to my TV watching Green Bay Packers murder people on the field.

My brother was disappointed when I told him. "Why couldn't you have picked the Patriots or something?" he asked. "Idk," I answered. I just sat down and watched the Packers on TV one day and fell in love, and well, it's been a happy union so far.

And more importantly, the Pack has some scrumptious eye candy, more specifically #52, Clay Matthews, aka "the Claymaker". I'm in deep admiration of this man. His game is so beastly. He himself describes how he plays as "reckless". lol That's freaking awesome.

I stumbled upon this picture of him while checking out his stats and game highlights.

What a gorgeous BIG man!

All I want to know is, where was I when this pic was taken and how come I didn't know about it? Because... Damn! William Clay Matthews III is 6 foot 3 and 250+ pounds of beautiful golden muscle and reckless abandon. I just can't stop staring at this picture. And what I like is that he's only 25 mind you. So he has tons of years left in his career before he's too old and needs to retire. I look forward to hearing the announcers scream his name on my TV every weekend. God did a wonderful thing for women when he allowed his parents to conceive him =D

And just to give you a little taste of how big, somewhat comical, beastly and amazing he is. I'll leave you with two videos I found on youtube.

Blowing up Plays:

hahhahaha, hilarious! Makes me laugh every time!

Game Highlights:

He sacks QBs, he forces fumbles, he recovers them for TDs... Is there anything he can't do!

Clay Matthews, I salute you! Thank you for all that you do.

Family Ties Are the Ones that Bind

Growing up I sometimes felt as if my parents were making me out to be their golden child. An in comparison to my brothers, in some ways I was. I made the best grades, I got the least amount of whippings, I rarely got into trouble at school, I usually did what I was told without being reminded (with the exception of a few things) and I was always the epitome of well mannered in public. For my three brothers, that wasn’t always the case.

With my parents always doting on me, I grew up feeling bad for my three younger brothers. I didn’t want them resenting me or being jealous of how mom and dad always sung my praises. I used to hate when we’d have the infamous “family meetings” where they’d all get lashed out at and get asked “Why are you acting like this? You see your sister is making good grades. Why can’t you do it?” They always made a reference to me and the things I got to do as a result of my good behavior.

Anyway, my oldest brother Jordan is 20 years old. He’s a stubborn, prideful boy who chose the hard road in life. He did just well enough in high school to stay on the football team, he left college after one year, and he’s made bad choice after stupid choice after dumb choice and its left him often up the creek without a paddle.

After our parents moved to KY last year, after a few months he came back down here because he never wanted to leave in the first place. He and a friend moved into our old house where they attempted to keep up with the bills. But with his friend out of work and Jordan trying to cover the bills on his bi-weekly checks, staying on top of the financial game wasn’t easy. Factor in his reckless driving/tickets/wreck/lawyer fee and child support for his 18 month old son, car insurance and his cell phone bill and you can see how he could get behind.

Well, he was supposed to move in with me and this week he gave me a heads up that it was happening this weekend. Wednesday night I received a text from him asking me to please come pick up him. I called him immediately to find out what the deal was with the change of plans and was soon stunned.

My brother cried when he answered the phone. Told me he could stay at our house another day. He was behind on the bills and the power and the water was off. I could hear the misery in his voice. Me being his big sister I immediately hopped in my car and sped to him.

We returned to my apartment where he showered and went promptly to bed as did I. Thursday morning I woke up and was checking Facebook as I watched the morning news and his status popped up on my news feed. He had posted something 7 hours prior to that and what he wrote pulled my heart strings.

Just reached my breaking point in life. Those days I took for granted and every day from now on I'll look at with a different perspective. I now know what it feels like to be without. But I still have no idea the full extent of living life like this. I want to say thank you to Justin Lee Kelly, Bruce Phillips, and the Hatch family for helping me through these days. Without you I wouldn't be here today. I love my big sister Jasmine Davis for coming to get me instead of sleeping. Franklin Stinson, keep your head up and remain faithful at all times like you have been. WE WILL SEE BETTER DAYS. And will be able to help others like we have been helped. I love you all.

I got choked up right then and there. Forget the part where he thanked me for going to get him. To see him thank all those people who have helped him and to see him purpose to do better in his life so that he might return the favor of kindness others have shown him, JESUS, what a miracle. My brother is finally exiting his youth mentality and growing up. It made me feel good to see that he was appreciative of me, but I was more emotional in seeing his maturity.

It’s moments like these that I am so thankful for my family. All I ask is that you say a special prayer for him. Pray that the Lord blesses his life and shows him favor and continues to steer him down the correct path.

9-10-11

This was a trending topic on twitter: Today is 9-10-11.

Because tomorrow is September 11th, the 10 year anniversary since the terrorist attacks on the World Trade Center, I disregarded this trending topic thinking that it was just some stupid idiotic subject people felt it was funny to comment on while they were really being insensitive to the tragedy that had befallen our nation a decade ago. But despite all of that I clicked on the link anyway, because with twitter, I like to sometimes read the stupid things that people say. As I was reading, I discovered the meaning behind this trending topic was actually kind of neat. I came across this one girl who tweeted this:

@WorthTheBullet Akilah Monroe ♥ 

Today is 9-10-11 .You won’t have a chance to say this again within your lifetime, so you might as well re-tweet it

I also saw someone post this:

@TheTumblrWorld The Tumblr World 

Today is 9-10-11 , and this happens once in 853 years.. Pray for all those who lost their lives. RETWEET

I thought about it and decided to make a blog post about it. It's kind of neat that I get to experience the dates lining up in sequential order. Last year I got to experience 10-10-10, and come november, I'll get to experience 11-11-11. Also, neat//random date facts, this past summer, July 2011 had 5 Saturdays and 5 Sundays in it. October will also have 5 full Saturdays and Sundays. This kind of thing only happens every 823 years and I get to experience it twice in one year. How neat is that?

So as far as this random trending topic goes, it actually makes me feel pretty significant. And I can also say, in the words of Peter Griffin, "I learned something today."

Another End, Another Beginning

Somewhere in the late hours of last night or the wee hours of this morning my friend and her bf hit a roadblock in their relationship and decided to call it quits. After nearly 6 years of being together the breakup has to be devastating to her. She’s a very emotional lady, and sometimes I find it to be a little too much. But I’m a very keep-it-to-myself, don’t-share-too-much-of-my-feelings type of person, so I had to learn how she operates before I could fully appreciate it and truly understand her. I know she’ll probably walk around saying she’s ok, she expected it, it was a long time coming, and she’s glad to be single… yadda, yadda, yadda. But deep down I know she’s hurt and she’ll probably spend a lot of time crying her eyes out. But in spite of all that, I want to offer her some words, and offer some words to every woman who has been dumped, done the dumping, and had to split with a great love of life life.

First off, I want to give you a big hug and say, it’s ok. It is not the end of the world. I certainly thought when my 3+ year relationship with my ex ended it was the end of the world. I didn’t know what to do or how I was going to get through each day, but I did. Some days I was miserable, and I spent a few minutes in the bathroom crying before I had to go teach my students. Other days I was angry and upset wondering how could he do this to me or why hadn’t I been the brave one and ended things myself? Because let’s face it, every person, and I mean EVERY person, knows when their relationship is fizzling out. I knew I should’ve dumped him in September of 2009, it didn’t actually happen until he dumped me in April of 2010! For 7 more months I put on a happy face, ignoring the fact that we were drifting apart. Eventually when I came down off of my emotional roller coaster, I begin to enjoy life again and my thoughts didn’t revolve solely around him and our happy and not so happy years. I didn’t die, the world didn’t implode. Time kept ticking and it was up to me to make something of it. So, I will repeat, when you break up it’s not the end of the world, life goes on.

Secondly, I want to encourage you to use this breakup to do the things that make you happy. If you’ve invested years into your relationship, your mindset has probably shifted from being about you and what makes you happy to being about your partner and what makes them happy. Use this time to focus on you. Give yourself fully to your career, rekindle relationships with friends and family, get closer to God; Lose weight, read a book, write a book, pick up a new hobby, learn a new language, do something! But the point is, don’t sit around moping and rehashing what was and what wasn’t and what could’ve should’ve or would’ve been.

Thirdly, realize that being single is not the end all, be all. I’ve been boyfriend-less for over a year now and honestly I can’t say that I don’t really want to be in a relationship that leads to marriage. Not right now; Maybe in 3-5 years. When I was in college that was all I could dream about; dating my ex for long enough until he decided to propose to me. After we broke up, I was like, ok, the next guy I date is going to be the one. Newsflash to me: he wasn’t either! People look at being single like it’s a terrible thing, like I’m going to be lonely or something. In truth, sometimes it is. I miss having a nice warm body next to me in my bed. But on the flipside, I love getting to stretch my legs out and take up my whole mattress. Being single offers me a certain amount of freedom that I don’t have when I’m the other half of a “couple-equation”.

So my dear friend, I know you’re scared about being alone. I know you’re wondering how you’ll start over and meet the next great love of your life. Don’t worry girl, it will happen. Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now will pop up when you least expect it. And if you’ve got your life together, your radiance will dazzle him and he will stop and nothing to be your Prince. (Metaphor alert) Until then, don’t sit in your castle wishing and praying for the day he will ride up on his stallion and whisk you a way to your happily ever after; life your life and go on a great adventure.

Hugs! xoxoxo

Uncovering Me

I took this random quiz that's supposed to tell me about my personality based on the day I was born. Here are my results:

You are a shapeshifter


You lucked out the the skills to succeed in almost any arena.
Put you in almost any business or classroom, and you'll rise to the top.
You're driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.
Your ability to adapt to almost any situation is part of what's going to make you a success.

Your strength: Your attention to detail

Your weakness: You can be a little too proud of your successes

Your power color: Turquoise

Your power symbol: Arrow pointing up

Your power month: August


I just want to know how people come up with these things. I agree with what it said about my strength and being able to succeed in most areas of my life. that is a proven fact. But my weakness... I wouldn't classify myself as a proud person. 


But this: You're driven and intense, but you also know when to kick back and cooperate.Very true indeed. Hmm, oh well. 


quiz linkhttp://www.blogthings.com/whatdoesyourbirthdatemeanquiz/

I won't be a mother, but I'll be the greatest auntie

A new life has been added to my family recently; well actually not new, just newly discovered. My younger brother recently found out that he was a dad....to a soon to be 16 month on little boy. I wasn't surpised when I found out. Deep in the recesses of my mind I always knew my hardheaded 20 year old brother would beat me to the punch. But that's neither here not there, because as shocking as it was to find out that there's a new little Hill boy running around, my whole family was even more shocked (and very much irate) to find out that the baby really isn't a baby but well on his way to becoming a toddler. The mother had her own personal reasons for keeping the child from my brother, which I won't delve into becuase that situation has been dealt with. Both I and my parents have gone of on that girl for her faulty logic and now we all are taking turns caring for my little nephew.

Anyway, about a month ago when I first got to meet Bentley, we learned that his mother was in the process of buying him this program to help him to start talking. When we found that out, I readily volunteered to help little Ben, after all I am a teacher. If I can't get him on the path to verbal/vocal communication then something might be wrong. The first time I met him all he did was grunt. No words, not even "mama" or "da-da". Since it's summer, I figured, when Bentley's mom was ready, I could keep him 1 day a week and start talking and reading with him and hopefully that'll make him want to talk back.

After the first day I had him I realized a profound thing. Being a mother is something that I want soooo badly. I can't wait to experience the growth of a little one inside of me and then get a chance to raise it. But I realized, as I plopped down on my couch after picking up my living room that little Bentley had wrecked..... I am not ready. There is NO WAY I could consciously and logically have a baby right now. Aside for the financial strain it would put on me, how would I care for it? I mean, I'm single so I'd have to find daycare, and that expense adds up quickly and I'd have no time for my friends. My life would drastically change if I were to become a mother in the near future. I don't think I would cope.

I used to say to my friends, if I accidentally wound up pregnant, I'd be able to take care of it because I'm emotionally ready; I know I'm not financially ready, but I could make do. I realize after babysitting my nephew that  I am neither financially nor emotionally ready. So, as far as my ardent desire to enter into the realm of motherhood.... I can't wait another 5...6...7 years on that. Maybe when I'm 28, if I'm married by then. Maybe.

Caring for a child is hard work and it uses every once of energy you have left. To balance a child, a full-time job, and a moderate social life, I couldn't do it. I'm just now getting the hang of a full-time job down pact.

I'll keep little Bentley anytime I'm needed, and I look forward to our weekly meetings. But I get a special relief when I deliver him back into the arms of his mother. I'm not ready to be a mom, but I can be the greatest aunt this little precious child has ever seen.

This little smile fills me with so much joy and happiness. I love this little tyke as if he were my own. <3  <3  <3

Why Am I Single?

Why am I single? That is the topic of tonight's post. My mom apparently thinks that it's time for me to settle down, I however, think that it is not. I was out at Crave dessert bar in Charlotte, NC, having a girls night for my deuce's birthday and my mom texted me and said "hopefully you'll pick up a date". I was like, WHAT? End of that conversation. And she asks me at least once every couple of weeks: how is your love life? have you met anybody? are you dating anyone? All I want to say to that woman is mom, chill, please.

I am single because honestly, I don't want to date anyone seriously because my standards are too high to be settling on some loser. So until I find a good quality guy, I'm not looking for anything long term or serious. Besides, I'm just 23! I have a long time before I need to be worried about finding a man and bearing children. I'm just now getting good into my adulthood.

I pulled out a box of old notes I have kept from middle and high school. They're a mix from best friends, old friends, boyfriend's and exes from back in the day. Reading this old stuff cracked me up. It made me realize how boy crazy and utterly stupid teenagers are. I can't believe some of the stuff me and my girlfriends talked about, or some of the stuff those guys wrote to me.  But I did find one letter that made me take a step back and look at myself.

The year must have been around 2002/2003; I think I was a freshman or sophomore. I don't know who I was writing to, but I was in high school. I was writing to some guy and I boldly told him that I thought he was cute and had always thought so. To my surprise, when I passed him the note he wrote me back and told me that he always thought I was pretty too. Then homebody dropped his digits in the letter and told me to call him. I look at that note like Dang! I had it like that in high school where guys just gave me their numbers?! Go teenage Jasmine! I realize, that now, in my adulthood I'm taken a backseat a little bit when it comes to pursuing people that I'm interested in. I'm a little more reserved and shy about my feelings. I need to take a cue from my 15 year old self and be bold. Timidness won't produce results.

So my task for myself: next time I see someone I might be interested in that I think might be available, instead of waiting on him to come to me, I just might go for it and approach him. Hahahaha, we shall see.

A Play on Words/Fast Five Movie Review

I just had an epiphany. Why do people say, "Yo man, that was good as hell." I caught myself saying that this morning as I thought back about the movie I saw last night, then I thought, wait a minute, what's so good about Hell? Eternal damnation. A pool of fire. Unyielding suffering and torture. No, Hell isn't good at all. It is the direct opposite of good. So why do people use that expression so commonly? I know I do. It's one of those cliché things. But now that I've thought about it, I'm going to try to switch up my vernacular. If I feel the need to express my extreme adoration for something I'm going to try to say, "Yo man, that was good as heaven" or simply say "That was so good!".

SN: I went to see Fast  Five last night. Hands down BEST movie I've seen since Inception. If I had the excess cash, I'd go see it again. I'm definitely going to buy it when it comes to DVD. The plot line was great, it was well written. Tyrese and his witty comments made for some great laughs. If you've never seen any of the Fast and Furious movies, this one is a must see! There was so much action, manly brawls and racing scenes. At one point, the entire movie theater was holding their breaths because of an action scene. It was magnificent. Families could take their young children to see it because there wasn't that many curse words or sexually explicit scenes or suggestions. Men will love it for the action and the cars and hot latinas. Women will love it for the action and the cars and all that sexiness. There was so much sexiness filling up that screen it's hard to pick who I like best. Between blue eyed Paul Walker, muscular Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson, bad ass Vin Diesel, smooth Sung Kang (guy who plays Han), and fast talking Tyrese...I just sat in my seat ogling at their manly splendor in awe. Sometimes with my mouth agape...sometimes letting out an "mmmmm" in approval. hahaha....

Go see Fast Five! It was well worth it. And if you need a movie buddy, I'll be glad to go with you. P.S. Stay after the credits. There's an extra scene that will blow your mind. I don't want to give too much away, but it will definitely throw you for a loop and make you wonder, is there gonna be a 6th movie?

Mmmm, so much sexiness. Go see this movie. It was good as heaven!  =D

A Poem: .Touch.

Also written the summer of '05. I was very angry when I was 17 and very lovesick. A lot of the things I wrote echoed that sentiment. Oh well, this is the last post and then I'm hitting up my leftover spaghetti casserole.

. Touch .
06.14.05

Simple, complex

full of passion and love

full of uncertainty

It means nothing 

to you

to me

it is everything

your kiss, your touch, your love

It gives me pain and sorry

a broken heart

it shatters my will to live

it picks me up when I am down

it makes me feel secure

A touch of love

          fire

A touch of hate

          intense

from you

given to me

I freely accept it

I lustfully long for it

I secretly despise it

© Jasmine S. Davis 2011

A Poem: #12

And because I'm in the an incredibly good mood, I've decided to post another poem. I also got of my lazy behind and grabbed my poem book. I wrote this poem the summer of 2005. Let's see, I was 17? I think. 2011-2005, take 6 years off 23....yeah I was 17. Seems like forever ago. Anyway, whenever I couldn't think of a title for a poem I just gave it a random number. So here it is:

# 12

06.15.05

Two holes

blank

tinted with color

black, blue, green, gray, brown

Windows, foggy

portals into the mind

paths into the body

passageways into the soul

Mirrors

Reflectors of images; emotions

fear, anxiety, happiness, joy,

frustration, anger

shift---Now searching

downcast---Now hiding

blank---Now expressionless

direct---Bold.

© Jasmine S. Davis 2011

A Poem: Words.

I said to myself about 3 weeks ago, when I stumbled upon a book of poetry I had packed up when I moved that I was going to publish them here on the blog and that was going to be my April thing. Well, that didn't happen. I got lazy and sat in front of my TV instead of at my computer. But I'm here now, fueled by the flames of my latest creative wind. I've been writing non-stop for the last four days on my latest novel endeavor. A sequel to the book I started around Christmas. I feel so good about it. I feel so good about writing. I've encouraged myself that this is what I truly want to be doing. Sharing my imagination with the rest of the world. But for me, the easy part is having an awesome idea, and starting the book or the short story or the whatever. The hard part is actually finishing it. I read some article that said that was a common norm amongst Aries. I refuse to let myself fall into that category.

So, when I came home from work today, I had every intention of going to my book. I'd been thinking of new plot twists all day at work. But what did I do when I came home? I pulled out my laptop, I got my jump drive, and when I prepared to write, I didn't go to my book. I got bit by a different strain of the creativity bug and I did something I rarely do because it's so hard for me. I sat down a wrote a poem. In about 10 minutes mind you. I've never been more proud of myself. To start and finish something from my creative/artistic/literal side, that's a major accomplishment. And now I'm going to share. Ladies and gentlemen, I give you....

Words.

Some people will never amount to much,

Constantly sputtering excuses they use as their crutch

Tales and woes, wishes of things to be better

Viewing life as a negative, always and ever

But that’s not me,

Oh no, no sir, no ma’am

I refuse to life my life failing to achieve my master plan

I envision a future, bright and free

Where I can do my own thing and not worry about the green

A life full of peace, happiness and love,

A grand horizon I seek to reach up above

So many things I want to be

All facets and aspects and pieces of me

                A teacher, a healer, a  friend, a writer

                A mother, an Activist, a peacemaker, a fighter

                                                                      Amongst countless other dreams…

You see,

A life of complacency would be like darkness

Perpetual, never-ending and bleak.

Just thinking about that makes me want to shriek.

I could never allow myself to be so content

Passing the time pondering what to lament

Words are a gift, an expression of character,

Not disjointed things to fill a page

No,

                You are the messenger.

Use them.           Create.

Speak words of praise, criticism, dreams and vitality

Ingrain them within your soul,

Feed your spirit.

                Dare to accomplish it.

Then when you happen upon those who won’t amount to much,

And they begin to lament and feel the need to explain their crutch,

Smile,

For you will never be as such.

© Jasmine S. Davis 2011

One Foot In, One Foot Out

A year ago, all I could think about was being in a relationship; dating someone; looking ahead towards a future that included marriage, being a housewife and raising 2-3 children. Now...my viewpoint has changed. I've slowly come to realize that the laid out plan I had for my life isn't exactly what I want anymore. Or at least, not in my immediate plans. I still want to get married. I still want to have children. I still want that perfect family, but I don't want it right now. I'm not even sure that I want a serious boyfriend.
 
This all started a few months ago. I was casually seeing this guy. It was nice at first. He was cute. He made me laugh. He was different from my usual type. It'd been a while since I'd given some serious time to a guy, so I went along with it. Then a few weeks in I had the talk with myself....Do I try to see where this goes and date this guy? Do I just have a casual relationship with all the benefits? Or do I just cut my loses because I truthfully and honestly don't want to be tied down?

The verdict --- I nixed him. Plus, I really didn't have the same emotional connection I had within the first couple weeks of us hanging out. Anyway. He's out of the picture. He was a little upset. I tried to be as nice and honest as possible. But how do you tell someone that, I really am NOT into you. On the flipside though, there's a guy I like. I've always liked him seriously. I know this. He knows this. But there's no way we can be together. I go through phases of wishing we could be together, and then phases of understanding that it's good we're not. But I came to the conclusion over my birthday that I really don't want to be in a relationship right now. My life is too freaking hectic. I might be jobless come June and looking for a new place to live. What's the point in getting involved with someone. Plus--I'm kind of weird in my feelings. When it comes to the next guy I date, I want it to be serious. I'm a serial monogomist and I like a strong commitment. I don't want to be with a guy that I split with after 6 months or 2 years. No. I want to be with someone that could potentially turn to marriage. But how do I cope with the feeling of not wanting to settle down seriously with the conflicting feeling of a desire for companiship?

It's like I'm playing the hokey pokey. I've got one foot in when it comes to emotional investment. I want to date. I want to be with someone. I want that person I can divulge my innermost thoughts too. But at the same time, I've got one foot out when it comes to emotional investment. I don't want to give my everything to someone whose just going to turn around and break my heart.Or be with someone who I come to realize I don't like.

Things are complicated. I'm in limbo in a lot of areas in my life; job, finances, love.... So for right now, being single, that's the best option. I surely never thought I'd be the one saying that.

I AM Poem

My kids wrote I AM poems this week and I was taken aback at how some of these rowdy 7 and 8 year olds could achieve so much depth. A few talked about their futures and had some creative imaginations. This inspired me to go through all my junk I'd saved from college and find the I AM Poem I had to write as a requirement in one of my college Language Arts classes. I felt compelled to post it here. I'm going to to read it to them on Monday so they can see that I also enjoy writing and the many assignments I give them in class have more merit than just busywork. Please enjoy.

I AM

by Jasmine Davis

written 9.29.09 

I am creative and strong-willed

I wonder when I’ll get married

I hear the laughter of my deceased Grandmother

I see her smiling face in my mind’s eye

I want to be a famous author

I am creative and strong-willed

I pretend I am a reality TV show celebrity

I feel like I have magical powers

I touch bleak clouds as I drive through Black Mountain

I worry that I won’t fulfill my hearts desires

I cry when people forget to love

I am creative and strong-willed

I understand it takes hard work to achieve your goals

I say that I will be on Oprah and the NY Times Bestselling list

I dream that one day all my wishes will come true

I try to be a little nicer here and there

I hope that people follow their dreams

I am creative and strong-willed 

Hi Mom, I'm a Stripper

I’ve been slack on blogging this month. This will probably be my only post, so let’s make it a good one.

I finally had my first experience at a strip club. I went with some friends of my for my home girls birthday plus a whole bunch of people she knew. I don’t know who was more excited to go, me, her, or the guys we were going with. Going to a strip club was one of those things on my bucket list that I wanted to do, and being a writer I think I needed it especially if I ever wanted to write from the viewpoint of a stripper in one of my future books. So when she asked if I was down to go that night, I said sure! I’m down for anything.

We went to a rather upscale strip club, and by upscale, I mean popular, with the best looking girls. At least that’s what the dudes said who drove us there. I was definitely a little uneasy. But the guys assured us we wouldn’t be out of place. “There’ll be more girls there than guys” one had said, and boy was he right. I don’t know if there were more women there showering gadzooks of $1 bills on the strippers or not, but it seemed like a pretty even split.

One thing that popped into my mind as I was being given a lap dance (a present from the birthday girls male cousin) was, why did I slave away for a 4 year degree and get a job in education that isn’t promised to me next year due to budget cuts, when I could be taking off my clothes and shaking my goodies for money? I mean those girls, the good ones anyway, were getting bank.  And if there were so many people who were enjoying it, why is it such a big deal for women of a respectable human code to be taking off their clothes for money? It’s not like they are hookers on the street having sex with random people for money. They were just dancing. My philosophy is: If it pays the bills and it’s not illegal, it pays the bills. There shouldn’t be a stigma attached to it? Right? But there is. Guys don’t like their girlfriends stripping.  Girls don’t like their girlfriends stripping. Parents don’t like their children stripping. Sure the boyfriends or girlfriends might be fine with it in the beginning, but if the relationship gets serious enough, they don’t want their partner showing all “the bizness” to random strangers. They want to keep intimate body parts within the confines of the relationship.

This is one of those questions that you ponder over as you’re driving down the highway. I certainly couldn’t imagine telling my family I’d left my job as a teacher to strip, or tell them I was doing it part time to cover some bills. Imagine me driving to Kentucky, waltzing though the door and saying, “Hi mom, I’m a stripper.” I think she’d beat the black off me and tell me to go find my common sense. Being the daughter of a preacher, that just wouldn’t fly in her or my stepdad’s book; doesn’t matter if it paid the bills or not. She’d say there is a better way to make money than flashing my boobs and butt every night.

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