Race in the Altar

If anyone has been on my facebook page recently, you'll see that I recently posted an excerpt from a conversation I was having at lunch on Wednesday with a 2nd grade student of mine. It went like this:

(Marcus) Ms. Davis are you married to somebody named Mr. Davis?

(Me) No, I'm not married.
(Marcus) What?! When you get married it need to be to somebody black.
(Me) No I don't. They don't have to be black.
(Marcus) WHAT?! You like white?!! Nuh uhh Ms. Davis; black go with black. White go with white. If you was white you'd already be married by now.


Instead of being immediately offended like some people would have been, I had an uncontrollable bout of laughter erupt from my body. It was so severe that my eyes started watering. But as I talked with a friend of mine about it late in the afternoon, she made a comment that Marcus’s last comment had been true. Of the close friends or acquaintances I’d had in college, a vast majority of the white girls are either married or engaged, and a vast majority of the black girls are very much single. That called for some question in my mind. Why is it that we as black women aren’t getting our happily ever after as soon as our Caucasian counterparts?

Also, where along the lines did Marcus develop these racial lines in his 7 year old mind? “Black go with black; white go with white.” That is a pretty powerful statement. If this had’ve been a conversation during segregated times, it would be an accepted norm, but is it still a norm in modern times?

When I pause and watch the relationships of those around me, the majority are same race. There are a few people who like to mix the races but it is still taboo. My question is WHY? When I was a little girl my father told me that I better not ever bring anybody but a black guy home to meet him. So far, all the guys I’ve dated throughout my life have been black. I’ve had countless crushes on guys from other races, but for whatever the reason, I’ve never approached them for a date and they haven’t approached me.

I feel like a hypocrite when I talk about mixed race relationships. I’d like to say that I am a total advocate for it. I’m open-minded and I don’t care who people marry. Race is not an issue for me. We are all human beings. We live, we breathe, we eat, we love, we bleed, and we die. Nothing separates us except the pigmentation of our skin. But yet, deep down, I can’t quite get used to the idea of black men dating non-black women. Three of my four brothers seem to have a preference for white girls and for some reason it bothers me. I always wonder, why can’t they date a black girl? I asked my 20 year old brother that once and he just replied, “I don’t know. I just prefer white girls.” He said it had nothing to do with black women having “attitudes” and being “too demanding” as the stereotype goes, he just liked white girls. I myself am fiercely attracted to Hispanic men and European men; c’mon who wouldn’t want a suave Italian or an Irishman who’s a little rough around the edges? But have I ventured outside my race? No. I have not. I say I want to do it, but I don’t.

When will race in relationships stop becoming an issue in the world? Part of me knows the answer to that question is a strong never, and that saddens me.

Anyways, that was just something on my mind. Think about it.

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Love Stories

Me and my ex broke up in April. It's no big news, seeing as it's almost a year later. Surprisingly we're on cordial terms. I wouldn't call us friends, but I wouldn't call us enemies either. If I text him, he responds, if he texts me I respond. We've even had dinner together in a totally platonic way and it wasn't awkward. That's big! Anyway, one day I just so happened to be on his facebook page reading up on his latest statuses, he's known to post silly crap, and I saw that he had updated his quote section and he had added this:

"Not all relationships are meant to last forever, even when you're in love. Some love stories are short stories... but they are still love stories all the same."

When I read it, I did what any normal girl would do. I asked myself, "Is that about me?" And immediately felt ashamed that I had been so insecure in my thoughts. It could be about me, as far as I'm concerned I'm the big love of his life. But then again, he could very well have dated someone seriously after me. But regardless of that, I shouldn't care. My heart has long since healed. That chapter in my life closed this summer when I got over him.

However, despite the fact that it could be about me or I'm just taking his words too personal, the quote hit my heart in an odd sort of way and made me think about the true depth of the words as it related to our relationship. It was like it was the perfect statement of closure. If he had've said that to me after we'd broken up when I was questioning what went wrong in our relationship and how I could've saved it, I would have been OK. I'm a romantic at heart and that would have helped ease my pain. So I sat there looking at the quote and dissecting it and came to some revelations. Just because we aren't together now didn't mean that he never loved me back then. And just because our relationship ended after 3.5 years, doesn't mean that it was 3.5 years of our lives wasted. At the time, we were in love and we were happy, but somewhere along the way the happiness faded and we realized we wanted different things. So after I sat and pondered the quote for a few moments, I smiled and exited his facebook page.

In the terms of my life span (almost 23 years), our love was a short story, but it was still a story nonetheless. It was a chapter in my life that has in some way shaped me into the person that I am today. Without the love and the heartbreak that he caused me, I couldn't say that I would be where I am today, and for that I thank him for both loving me, and hurting me. It took me a while to be able to appreciate both.

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Self-diagnosed Prescription

I think that I am going to start a new blog. It's been on my mind for a while now, and I think that I am ready to take that jump. The second blog will be devoted solely to my writing and getting my name out there. It will feature snippets and sometimes full chapters of the books I'm working on. It will also highlight any ideas I have for upcoming works. I have told many people throughout the years that I have aspirations of becoming a New York Times Best-selling author, it's time I started working to achieve that goal.

This blog (An Unconventional Princess) will keep serving the purpose of my online "diary" in a sense. Most posts have chronicled different battles or triumphs I've had in my life. Writing is sort of like my own personal prescription for my well-being. I used to keep a diary in high school and it helped me relieve my emotions when I had no one to talk to. By writing all my thoughts and life experiences down on here, hopefully it'll serve many purposes: give people something to to ponder on, relate to or laugh at; help me deal with situations in my life; and thirdly, give me something to go back and look on many years from now to see how I've grown. So, I'm going to take a leap of faith. I'm starting a new blog dedicated solely to my aspirations/dream of becoming a writer. Now all I have to do is think of a blog title....

20-NYE-11: "Good-bye Grandpa!"

HAPPY NEW YEAR!

I only posted 16 times on this blog in 2010 and that's a shame. My goal is to write more this year. I started a new book December 31st and have already written 60 pages in word, single spaced mind you. So I'm focused. Hopefully by summer I'll have it and the sequel completed and I can use my free time from work to see about getting that thing published. So to keep in the spirit of writing, I'm going to get back into blogging.

NEW YEARS EVE was the BEST night of my life ALL Winter! OMG! I went out with 3 of my sorors to the Suite lounge in Charlotte. After I got over the shock of paying $50 to get into the club, we got dolled up and hit the bar and the dance floor. I danced with so many guys of so many races and it was a SPECTACULAR experience. I even had this dude buy me a drink and offer to buy more. But when I had his drink, that was #4 for me and I was stopping. Last time I got drunk was WCU homecoming in October and I was ridiculous. I didn't want to be ridiculous out in public on New Year's Eve. But anyway, this guy buys me a drink and then lets me keep the change from the drink. $4.00. Hey that's a meal from Wendy's. So after that, I decided to flirt a little bit. He deserved it for adding to my alcohol intake and my wallet. He was really cute too, which was an added bonus and had beautiful straight teeth. But as the night progressed and our flirting, a few warning signs were thrown up and then the bomb went off and I had to cut him off.

1. he came to the lounge alone
2. he spent most of his time at the bar
3. when he did wander away from the bar he was kind of stalkerish looking at women
4. he got way too fresh when he was dancing with me ( I won't elaborate)
5. dude got way too drunk
and finally 6. he got all defensive when I asked him how old he was

"Why do you want to know how old I am?" I thought it was a logical question. I mean I saw potential in giving him my number and getting to know him outside of the club. Aside from the warning signs he was really a nice guy. Well how old was this attractive big spender? "I'm 36," was his reply to my question.

WHAT?! 36. Dude, that means you are technically old enough to be my father if you impregnated my mom when you were 14. EEEWWWWWWW.

Good-bye grand-pa. Dude was cut off!

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Computer Obscenities

F*%#ing computer I just want to throw it off my balcony. It's been f*%#ing up and glitches and deleting things as I'm typing and if it keeps this s&@t up I'm just gonna go buy a new one. I don't have time for these tech issues. I just had the thing reformatted in the summer by the Geek Squad so it should be working like it's brand new. I no longer download music, I have a great spyware program and I'm careful about the pages I get on the internet. What is the deal? I hate this!

Non-Negotiables

I spent some good quality time with myself this weekend watching some romantic comedies, Leap Year, Dear John & The Back-Up Plan, and one very touching movie, For Colored Girls, and it has put my mind into a state of contemplation. Every time I go home my mom brings up the subject of just when am I going to start dating. I keep having recurring dreams where I'm in a relationship. A good friend of mine visited with me this weekend and asked if I ever got lonely living by myself. So I got to thinking. It's been oh, about 6 months since the devastating break-up and I'm proud to say that my heart is completely healed (and has been for many months now) so I believe I'm ready to date. In fact there's nothing I want more than to get back out there! Only problem is, I don't exactly know a lot of people here in town, and I don't exactly have a lot of free time during the week to go explore. When and where on Earth am I going to meet guys that will check off on my list of "non-negotiables"?What are those non-negotiables one might ask. Well, it's a list of qualities I pray to God to send me in the next man that I date. They are:

1. Degree or taking steps toward higher education.
2. Lives on his own and has his own set of wheels.
3. Christian
4. Good morals and family values
5. Non smoker
6. Wants a commitement

A list of 6 things, a professional matchmaker might say it's a little outrageous  but I don't think it's too bad. I mean here is my breakdown of why I've listed these as my top 6.

1. I have a degree, and I want to be equally matched intellectually with a partner and these days its hard to get a decent job without a degree. I understand college isn't for everyone, but please, do something to try to better yourself instead of sitting around playing X-Box all day or working part-time as a delivery driver. Have some goals, have some aspirations. I do. And I'm making strides to achieve them.
2. I live on my own and have my own car, so I expect that in a partner. How can we possibly get to know one another if we have to schedule "us time" around roomates, siblings or parents. Also, I'm old-fashioned and I prefer to be driven around on a couple of dates, I don't want to be the one whose always picking up the other person.
3. I am a Christian and I am making steps to get closer in my walk with God and get stronger in my Faith. The Bible teaches that you shouldn't be unequally yoked with a partner, so I need to date a Christian, not a non-believer. Otherwise they could hold me back.
4. I have morals, strong ones, and I place a lot of emphasis on family. You can learn a lot about a person by how they interact with their family. I want these to be positive.
5. OMG I ABSOLUTELY HATE SMOKING! Why partake in an activity that is taking minutes off your life each time you take a drag. Not to mention the horrible smell that gets into and onto everything. I can't be with a smoker. It is a deal breaker. No if, ands or buts.
6. Finally, I want a guy who wants to commit, not just casually date. I'm not that type of dater. I like to be in relationships and give my all to that one special someone. I eventually want to get married and have kids. I need to date someone who is on the same page.


So there is my list of non-negotiables. I don't think it's too drastic. Now I just have to figure out how  to meet a person who fulfills all my criteria. And that my friends is easier said than done.

Searching For A Church

I moved out on my own almost a month ago, and three Sunday's have gone by and I've sat on my couch in my PJs and watched cartoons instead of getting dolled up and heading out to a morning Church service. My parents have asked me a few times have I found a church and I replied to them that I was waiting to get settled into living on my own before I go out there and find a church family, which is true. So this morning I woke up super early and as I was flipping through the channels trying to find a marathon of Avatar, I came across a local church service airing on TV. I sat and watched. And then I turned on my computer and started researching the church. I even went as far to email the pastor and ask him some very poignant questions. 

Is it wrong and lazy of me to not be out there visiting these churches in person, but rather taking a more reserved approach and researching them on the Internet and emailing the pastors and asking them about the messages they teach, doctrines and their beliefs, as well as the racial and age percentage breakdowns of their congregations. I mean, I'm the type of person who doesn't like to waste my precious time and precious gas, going to different churches that don't fulfill my criteria.

Having been raised as a pastors child I know the Truth about God's Word, and I can't just go plop my rump down in any pew and listen to just anybody with a ministry ordainment preach what they believe to be the "Truth". I want to be in a God-centered, supportive family environment that doesn't sugar coat heaven and hell, and repenting for sins, and consequences of not living a Godly lifestyle. I want to be somewhere that we uplift me spiritually while also challenging me in my Walk with Christ. I want to be somewhere that simply is honest and teaches the Truth. While also not being full of only one race, and having a lot of old people. Tough criteria I know. But I want a church that has people that look like me, and different from me, and are near to me in age, while also older and younger than me. This world isn't comprised on only old people, or only black people, or only married people. It is a diverse world, and I want to become a member in a diverse church family. 

What are your thoughts? It's a lot to request, but I will not give in. I will be successful in my endeavors to find a new church to call home. 

The Unspoken Rule

I was having dinner last night with two of my sorors and we got onto the subject of the single life and dating. One was telling me some personal information about a recent turn of events in her life and it caused me to ask her this question, "Why is it that we, as females, have to follow that unspoken rule that guys that our friends have dated/talked to/messed around with in the past are unavailable and off limits to anyone in our circle of friends even, though that person is done with them?" Then one of my sorors brought up a valid point. What if that person was meant to enter our lives through you. Just because you two didn't work out, doesn't mean that this guy isn't the right one for me. Because if you think about it, sometimes, we would've never met some of the people we associate with if it hadn't been through a mutual friend. So my soror and I sat and debated this question: "Should I really follow that rule and leave him alone just because you're my friend and you had him first out of "respect"? Or do I go for it, and see where the relationship could potentially go and risk having you be mad at me and ruining our friendship?"

How complicating being a woman is. I want to task ladies with this. Don't fight over guys. DON'T, DON'T, DON'T!! If your friend wants to date your ex, or simply get to know him, and has been totally up front about it and has nothing to hide and is not trying to get back at you in any capacity, then let her. And in the event that their relationship doesn't work out, don't be catty and say "I told you so". Just say, well we all make mistakes. You were my friend first and we will continue being friends because I trust and love you, and move on.

Just food for thought. 

Moving On Up

It's been forever since I've written and its all due to the fact that life has been superbly busy for me this last month.

For starters...I've got a job; I'll be teaching 2nd grade at a wonderful school in Shelby. They hired me after my preliminary interview. And I know it was God looking out for me when the principal called and woke up up at 7:27am the day after my interview telling me how impressed she was with me, because originally she told me that the openings were in K and either 3rd/4th grade. So I accept the job and she surprises me and says I'll be in 2nd grade my favorite grade. My school also has some nice perks...SMARTboard, my own personal laptop, and ELMO, a HUGE classroom, and an online office supply thingy so I don't have to come out of pocket for expenses. Add that on to the fact that the teacher who I'm replacing left all her posters and bulletin board sets for me to use so I really don't have to buy ANYTHING. This is another reminder of what listening to God will do for your life. I prayed to him and trusted him that he would help me get the perfect job in the perfect grade and all of that has come to fruition.

I got a surprise today as well from dear old mom and dad. We went back to Gastonia to check out two more apartment complexes. Last time we went down there was about 3 weeks ago and I was deciding between two really nice properties. Well after careful consideration I knew which one I wanted but knew I couldn't move until September after I get my first TEACHER paycheck (:D), but dad out of the blue says he wants to go look at the property I had decided on moving to again. We do so, the property manager tells me that they only have a few units left, and the next thing I know, I'm filling out an application and dad is paying for my app fee and my security deposit. So now my apartment is officially mine and it wont get sold before I can move in. I'm in shock. Everything in my life is falling together right now and I feel so blessed. 

But aside from all of this serious stuff going on in my life, I spent a wonderful week in New Jersey and Maryland visiting two of my really good friends. My bff in NJ moved away when we were in 10th grade and were had met in 6th grade and were practically joined at the him. My homie in MD is my bestie guy friend who I met at camp. Both of them have been wanting to see me and I spent 4 days with both of them. I did a crazy thing and rented a car to drive 10hrs from NC to NJ, 6hrs from NJ to MD, and then 7 hrs from MD to home again. It was wild and absolutely crazy but I feel accomplished. It feels good navigating the road and being alone and in charge of my life. Road tripping is FUN! 

1st Job Interview

So, it finally happened. After all the resumes I've been sending out among like 6 different school systems I FINALLY got a call do to an interview at a school in Shelby. I was super stoked but just a smidge nervous. But after lots of prayer, preparation and getting some advice from a bestie I headed down there ready to wow them. And I must say that I did. I walked out of there with such huge confidence that I beasted that interview and they loved me!! Now it's all just a waiting game to see if I get a call back for a follow up interview. The school secretary was so kind as to let me know that they had interview over 40 people for the 1 5th grade position. That's crazy! So with me being interviewer number 46 I just hope that they hadn't found what they were looking for yet with candidates 1-45 and hopefully they see what they want in a teacher out of me.

But while I'm waiting I'm still going to be applying for jobs elsewhere. Catawba County finally posted its openings, to which there's only 3, 2 4th grades and a 1 5th, so I'm hoping God blesses me and I find some favor and can snag a job before the 2nd week in July. That is my prayer. That way I can start preparing for what I'll need.